The Exchange Program
by TwistedGreekNerd
Summary: What's worse than four bored demigods at camp? Four bored demigods who have  to spend a whole week with immortals. *same story, just re-edited*
1. Chapter 1 The Letter

**Hello, mates! So this is a story that I wrote about a year ago, before the Lost Hero came out. And when I was re-reading it I realized a lot of mistakes both plotine and grammatical, so I'm reposting this. It's the same story but just better edited. I hope.**

**The Exchange Program**

**The Letter**

"Ya got any eights?"

"Nope. Go fish," Nico replied, studying the king of hearts he was holding and wondering what one did to end up on a playing card.

"Alright!" cried Loki, throwing down his cards. "The next person to say 'go fish' will find themselves in a vat of boiling tar in the middle of the night!"

"But that's the name of the game!" Seraphina argued, taking a card from the pile.

Nico calmly raised his hand and a five foot circled wall of obsidian rock surrounded the deck. He turned to Loki and asked, "how about 'go deep-sea diving'?"

Loki frowned, "Ha, ha, ha, very clever, but we all know I'm not the only one here who'd like to strangle the guy who invented Go Fish."

Nico had to agree, but Seraphina was less than willingly to simply agree with an idea that was not her own (no, she wasn't a child of Ares of Hermes; why do you ask?) the thirteen year old turned the whole conversation around to mock Loki, whom everyone knew was probably the worst son Hermes in the last three thousand years. Nico tuned out his best friends' argument and gazed out at the rest of the camp from his seat on Halfblood Hill. He wished that he could go back to his Underworld casino nights, but his father, Hades, said that it caused too much trouble and had to limit it to the Elysian Fields. That and he was a good seven years underage.

He and his friends made an interesting group: Nico, son of one the Big Three, had a big reputation that was mostly rumors. So he looked sort of goth, with black clothes, black hair, pale skin, skull ring, and his ever present stygian sword. I'm pretty sure that there were a lot more goths at camp thanks to all the lesser gods (but only he carried the stygian sword, mind you.)

Loki was skinny, freckled, had a thatch of red hair, and above all was hesitant when doing things. That alone should have kicked him out of the Hermes cabin (which was full of pranksters and evil masterminds), but his dad claimed him soon after his first failed prank (ok, his fiftieth first prank, but who was counting.)

Seraphina was especially odd. She looked sort of like Nico, with shaggy black hair, black eyes, and a crooked smile. Actually in truth she was almost recruited for the titan's army, but that's a different story. She enjoyed a variety of things like painting and guitar and torturing people, but she did not like those with big heads, so to speak (she couldn't stand Percy even though they've only spoken once to each other).

And finally there was Hermione whom, as I am describing this, was racing over to where her friends were sitting. A daughter of Aphrodite, she was she was less outspoken than the others, yet she retained a reputation of a quite beauty. She had long dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. Unlike the others, this was first her summer at Camp Halfblood (Nico knew about it since he was ten, it was Seraphina's fourth summer, and Loki had arrived last summer before the war)

"Hey guys! I have mail!" There was something sarcastic Hermione's voice as she reached them.

"You can't say that! I copyrighted that phrase."

"Since when did you copyright 'I have mail', Loki?"

"Just now! In my head! Keep up, Nico!"

"Does happen to be a 'KIll ME NOW" package from Zeus by any chance?" Seraphina asked, looking pleadingly towards the sky.

"if you clowns will cut it out, I'll read it to you." Hermione settled herself next to Seraphina and took the letter out of the envelope, "It's from Chiron and it's to all four of us." She cleared her throat and began reading (Chiron always make sure to use a font that is easy to read for the campers), "_Dear, Mr. di Angelo, Ms. Mone, Mr. Fen, and Ms. Zentry. It has come to my attention that there has been some disturbances in camp that might possibly be linked to your being."_

"Yeah right," scoffed Nico, "someone squealed on us."

"W_hether the rumors of your connection are true or not, I feel that it would be my responsibility to make clear the camp's stand on certain activates that have happened._

⁃_ Narnia is not part of the geography lesson and it would be useless to teach otherwise because it does not exist. This also includes Avalon, Wonderland, Fablehaven, and the Hundred Acre Woods_

⁃_ Furthermore, teaching a geography lesson to a group of ADHD/dyslexic teenagers in the summer is considered rather cruel. With or without the switch._

"What are we supposed to do with all the fake maps we made?" Seraphina interrupted.

"I know a few guys who might be interested," Loki answered trying to sound aloof, but they all knew that he just meant the Stoll brothers.

⁃_ This camp does not have a kill list. It has quests. But threatening either one is futile since it is the oracle who decides who goes on the kill, er, quest._

⁃_ Decorating the Athena cabin (or any other cabin) with __Sesame Street __has caused some very serious brain damage, along with humiliating photos. Please leave the decorating to the cabinmates_

"I wonder if anyone would mind Teletubbies," Loki mused.

⁃_ There have been many requests for all the random endangered species to stop being imported into the forest._

⁃_ This includes Mary, the panda_

Nico threw his hands in the air, "No one cares about the environment these days, and Percy won't let Mary move into my cabin."

⁃_ Constant chatter of other worlds and other mythological gods is considered offensive to the gods themselves._

"Humph! When Chuck Norris brings the sun crashing down, everyone will be sorry they didn't listen to me," Loki snapped.

⁃_ And for the last time, Camp Halfblood is not the sister camp to Camp Green Lake. No matter how many times you try to prove it._

"I distinctly remember being forced to dig a hole; this is definitely the sister camp."

"Sera, we promised to never to speak of that again."

_I hope that your time at camp is thoroughly enjoyable, yet I wish to impress upon you that scaring other campers with odd thoughts is not accepted. Please find something more productive to do with your time.__ Sincerely, Chiron, director of camp activities._

_P.S. Chuck Norris is not a god, so please do not confuse newcomers by saying so._

"And therefore we are stuck with greeting new kids duty," Seraphina grumbled turning around so she was lying on her back. As if on cue, a faint-looking satyr and a ten-year old boy, dressed in a recently-torn Saints jersey and jeans, stumbled across the border. They gazed around for a moment before spotting the four friends.

"The Big House is that away," Hermione gestured in a vague direction. "Make sure you don't upset Mr. D and don't faint when you see Chiron in horse form."

"Avoid the big scary looking kids and try not to step on the sleeping teen. Also if you see a girl by the hearth, stop and talk," Loki added, remembering what Nico had told him about Hestia.

"If you haven't figured it out by now: all the Greek myths are real. And a lot of them are moody, especially Chuck Norris." Nico said.

"And most importantly don't get run through with Riptide." Seraphina said, "cause it hurts. a lot."

They gave friendly waves as the satyr put an arm around at his confused charge (while glaring at the thirteen year olds) and lead him wearily towards the Big House.

After they were gone Seraphina cried, "SEE! Boring! Same old same old confused children,"

"Well, it would be interesting if one of them turned out to be a child of the Big Three," Loki amended hesitantly.

"Ugh," she replied, moving so she was sitting Indian-styled. "Who wants another Percy Jackson? Big Three kids are all SO self-centered. I mean I couldn't stand it if one of them had another…" she finally caught Nico glaring menacingly at her, and smiled sheepishly. "I love you, Nico." She held out her arms for a hug.

"Oh, don't give me that. I'm a son of Hades. We don't do all that mushy stuff." He said matter-of-factly and waving her off.

I guess I should explain something here. Nico and Seraphina have a 'like' relationship. As in Nico doesn't 'like' her, but he 'likes' being Loki's friend, so he has to pretend he 'likes' being with Seraphina. Seraphina 'likes' to annoy him, and he 'likes' to chase her with his dead minions. She 'likes' to mock his god side and he 'likes' to threaten her. She 'likes' to give him hugs (she believes a child of Hades is cuddly) and he 'likes' to dream about her punishments in the Underworld.

Therefore if they are 'like' friends and Loki has no friends other than them and Hermione is new to the camp, the four create a unique group that's only purpose is to drive away boredom. That and terrorize Camp Halfblood.


	2. Chapter 2 The Plan

**The Plan**

Loki was happy. In fact he was almost deliriously happy. Everyone wondered why he was grinning foolishly as he passed them by, but they were too hyperactive to let it be more than a passing thought. The reason why he was so happy was because he had just had sword practice with the Ares and Hecate kids, and he LIVED. That meant he had a good few hours before dinner that weren't going to be spent in the infirmary; not many people who had been in that situation could say that. Loki was making his way over to the Hades cabin when the only person in the world who could ruin his mood stopped him: Seraphina. She appeared out of nowhere and began shaking his shoulders. Her long dark hair flounced around her shoulders, and in one hand she clutched a long scroll.

"I have the most wonderful news ever. Actually it's not really news, it's a plan. A HUGE plan. A plan so great it might be considered evil. But that's only if you look at it the wrong way. Truthfully it's a really really really really great plan. But I can't tell what it is because I'm busy. Very very very very busy. I have to run around camp getting supplies. Which is super duper hard, because no one can know about it. So I have to run fast. And it's great plan. And everyone will love me for it because it's a great plan. Evil but great." She said this all in one breath, so the only things that Loki caught were plan, evil, run. Seraphina was panting and looking around excitedly like a dog looking for squirrel at the park, when a voice behind her spoke.

"Oh really? And may I see this really really great plan of yours?" She spun around and saw Annabeth standing there, looking admonishingly at them. For once neither her boyfriend, Percy, nor her second in command, Malcolm, was by her side.

"I don't have to give you anything, Annabeth. You're not in charge of me," Seraphina sniffed folding her arms defiantly. That was not in the least bit true, because Annabeth had almost as much authority as Chiron, being one of the longest campers there, the Athena Cabin leader, and having played a strong role in the war.

"Yeah, but I'm in charge of you," another voice said. They turned and saw Will Solace. "Hand it over, kiddo."

"Hate you, Will," Seraphina mumbled as she gave the scroll to the leader of the Apollo cabin. He unrolled it and Annabeth peered over his shoulder. But before Loki could get a good look, Seraphina cried triumphantly, "HA HA! You think you outdid me, but you're wrong! I made a second copy of the plan last night, and hid it in a super secret alcove. Now I'll never be stopped!" And with that she took off running towards the stables.

Will rolled up the scroll and said, "Her super secret alcove is under Hermione Zentry's bed."

"How do you know?" Annabeth asked.

Will shrugged like it was obvious. "Seraphina's been the most troubling half-sister ever born; I've had to keep a close eye on her." He took off toward Aphrodite's cabin. Loki continued on his way, but Annabeth called out after him.

"Hey, Loki! Next time you're on new kid duty, be a little bit more considerate towards them. They've had just as bad a life as you."

He gave her wide-eyed look, "Gosh, Annabeth. That sounds a lot like work. I'll take what you said into careful consideration, and get back to you on that."

When Loki knocked on the door to the Hades' cabin, Nico opened it rubbing his eyes sleepily, his clothes all rumpled up.

"Were you taking a nap?" he asked incredulously even though it wasn't a surprise. Nico spent three-fifths of the day sleeping, one-fifth eating, and one-fifth trying not to get killed.

"Of course. Napping is one of the great gifts of the world. Along with fire, sweatshirts, and Coke."

"Whatever you say, dude. Let's go do something interesting."

Nico frowned thoughtfully for a moment. He really wanted to go back to sleep, but he also hadn't seen Loki all day, "We could go bother Percy."

Loki agreed, and Nico picked a sweatshirt off his coat rack and followed him towards Poseidon's cabin. (Hermione, Seraphina, and Loki had burned Nico's aviator jacket earlier that summer, but that too is a different story.)

As they passed the Apollo cabin, the boys were surprised to see Shelley Rox sitting on the steps crying. Even though he had never spoken to her before, Nico hastened to her side and knelt down so they were on the same eye level (What? Nico could be a very kind person when he wasn't sleeping or hanging out with dead guys.)

"What's wrong, Shelley?"

"I've been practicing my singing all summer, and I just can't do it," she sobbed. "My voice will never be as high as Justin Bieber's. It's humiliating!"

Nico was honestly expecting something more along the lines of "my mother died," or "I have to go on a quest," so he turned to Loki for help.

"Um, we could burn all of his music for you, so you don't have to hear it and be sad," he offered.

Shelley smiled faintly at Loki, "Really? You'd do that?"

Being a Son of Hermes he really shouldn't be doing nice things, but he couldn't think of anything better to say than, "Yeah. Totally. Nico here could even bring the CDs down to the Underworld for dead guys to listen to."

"Oh please," Nico countered, "Even Clarrise La Rue wouldn't be that cruel to the dead."

**...**

Percy and Nico were having an intense stare down. In front of both of them were two piles of delicious demigod food. They were having a food architect battle, and already having made the Eiffel tower, the boys were getting ready to build the Golden Gate Bridge. Of course, it would have been more entertaining had they not been sitting a good three tables away from each other. All around the pavilion demigods were shrieking and laughing and having a grand old dinner. No one noticed that Seraphina wasn't present until it was too late.

She strode into the pavilion lugging a huge white board covered with a velvet sheet behind her. She stationed it so that everyone could see and waited until it got quiet to announce, "Hello, my fellow …. people-I'm-realted-to-but-I-don't-know-how-nor-do-I-want-to-be."

"Humph!" humphed Mr. D. He couldn't stand it when campers missed out on a meal. It was his one time that he could torture them collectively. "You need to make a sacrifice to the gods before continuing with your presentation, Miss Sally Pensive."

She sighed and took the nearest tray (of an Ares boy) and threw it into the fire. The Ares boy would have been angry, but he (along with everyone else) was too curious about what she was doing to care.

"Like I was saying, I am here to present a new idea called 'The Awesome Really Cool Foolproof Plan of Seraphina Mone'." No one knew how to respond, "Or the more modest term 'The Exchange Program'." With a flick of the wrist she pulled off the velvet sheet and showed a board full of complicated graphs and cramped writing.

"Hey, Seraphina! You might want to get to the point! By the time someone deciphers that we'll all have white beards down to our knees," Connor Stoll shouted.

"I have a better idea!" added his brother, Travis. "Why don't we skip the white board and go straight to the part where we dunk her in the lake." The whole camp erupted in laughter. Nico had a sinking feeling. Seraphina was making a fool of herself, and he had no part in it!

Seraphina sighed and projected her voice over the commotion, "How many of you spend parts of your daily lives wondering about your godly parents?" Everyone quieted down immediately; no one answered but they all silently agreed. "How many of you wonder about their eternal lives? And yet I bet none of you wonder about the others. Ever since the war, our lives and this camp have changed," A few tittered about this with some emotion. "Bonds between the gods and demigods have grown stronger." Her voice dropped, "What about the bonds between us and our immortal aunts, uncles, the ones we're not sure how we're related to."

She had captured their attention, but Connor again reminded her of point.

"I suggest that with gods' permission, we create a program that sends different demigods to stay, say a week, with one of the gods."

It was pin drop silent. Percy mouthed to Nico_ that's pretty smart. _Nico mouthed back _that's completely stupid. _Loki, Nico, and Hermione quietly got out of their seats and made their way towards Seraphina.

"Now, why would anyone anyone do something like that?" Mr. D asked. Even he and Chiron were fascinated by her insanity.

She folded her arms, "As to quote the unspoken rule, 'The gods need us. They work through us, and their survival depends on us.' Not to mention the fact that we could learn a lot from them and vice versa."

"You're crazy!" Malcolm called from the Athena table.

"Please. I prefer the term mentally challenged." The camp erupted again in whispers, shouts, and gaping mouths. By that time her friends had secretly reached her. Nico nudged her aside and Loki cried out, "Well, I believe the mortals call that food for thought. Heh heh, right? Why don't Chiron just dismiss us and we can all get to bed and dream about odd things like, living with a god for a week."

"What are you guys doing?" Seraphina hissed.

"Saving you from eternal embarrassment," Nico whispered back.

"I'm sure that if our camp directors would just talk to the other beings," Seraphina called, "we would see that it's not impossible, and only beneficial."

The campers began throwing their leftovers at her, and with a sigh Nico and Loki picked her up by her arms and carried hervout of the pavilion.

"What a joker she is!" Hermione said to the crowd of now impatient campers, "That's what we like to call a serious case of ADHD. Am I right?" she got a with a few choice vegetables, "Don't think I didn't see who threw that!" Naturally she was bombarded from all sides and had to make run for it.

But the question remains, could Seraphina's plan possibly work?


	3. Chapter 3 The Hat

**Disclaimer. I do not own PJO, and this thought makes me very very very sad. So you can cheer me up by giving a review (or giving a banana. Whichever is easier) I also don't own anything else that is referenced here (I can't think of them at the second. How many people got the Camp Green Lake joke in the first chapter?) Besides the point! I wonder what an author would think if they went of fanfiction and looked at their own stories…. **

**The Hat**

The next morning…

"Mr. D, no offense, but do you realize this is the 42nd time you've called me in? and it's only the 23rd of June!" Seraphina chirped. He also doled out punishments 43 times, and she wasn't looking forward to another one.

"Whoa! What?" Nico exclaimed, waking up from one of his 5 minute naps, "it's the 23rd of June? What did we do the first 22 days?"

"Let's see," Hermione counted off on her fingers, "We picked fights. We picked other people's fights. We picked fights that had nothing to do with us. We picked battles, we picked sides, we picked up loads of first aids, and in the end we picked up after the food fight."

"That was not a pretty day," Loki grimaced.

Chiron and Mr. D gave amused looks at the four teenagers standing next to the pinochle table in the Big House.

"Miss Sally Pensive,"

"Seraphina," she corrected under her breath.

"In the time lapse since your whimsical presentation last night, " Mr. D, "The gods have convened,"

"How long did that take?" Loki interrupted.

The god of wine frowned and continued, "Majority of the gods believe that your idea is a clever one and are intrigued on how it would turn out."

"Are you serious?" Nico breathed.

"It's kind of impossible. They're immortal; their very appearance would be certain death."

"Gods can appear in any way they want, Hermione," Chiron gently reminded her.

"You two are really willing to send campers on an exchange program?" Seraphina asked; she didn't think they'd take her seriously. "Most of the gods would kill us!"

With a sinking feeling they realized that's probably why most of the immortals agreed.

Chiron coughed and shifted in his wheelchair. (this was the twist, for the four friends had been secretly wishing that Percy, Annabeth, Travis, Connor, and Will Solace would be picked and have to leave camp.)

"Before we risk sending some of our more, uh, popular campers, we have to decided to have a trial. We'll be sending you." He met Seraphina's large black eyes, which at that moment were practically screaming, _you mean you don't want to send the stupid son of the sea god?_

Loki piped up, relief saturating his voice, "Well, it was nice knowing you, Sera. I'll go get started on your shroud, and let Will know of your untimely demise."

He moved towards the door, but vines curled around his ankles and pulled him back in line.

"No, you idiot who happens to be named after Norse mythology," (Loki's mom was never good at mythology), "We'll be sending all four of you."

Nico and Hermione wiped off the sympathetic looks on their faces. "WHAT?" Hermione yelled.

"What did we do wrong? It was Sera's idea."

Chiron was completely calm, which he had to be when dealing with the moody son of Hades, "I believe Miss Hermione has already listed some of your more troubling activities. Plus there was more on the letter I gave her for all of you."

"What letter?" Nico feigned, trying to get out of it, "We've been doing nothing but playing cards all summer." Loki backed him up with a puppy dog face.

"You, boys, are such wimps," Seraphina snarled. She turned to Chiron, like a martyr facing the noose. "If you really want us to do this, how are, we supposed to decide who we go to?"

Mr. D clapped his hands twice and a timid satyr came forward and handed him and upside down black top hat (she was also carrying a bottle of wine, but Chiron gave him such a look that Mr. D resignedly motioned it to be taken away.)

"All right, you doomsday demifreaks, who's first?" he asked holding it out.

The four friends stared at it as if it was an alien from Pluto that just told them that it's people were planning on ridding Earth of burritos. Then they got into a tight huddle.

"Rock. Paper. Scissors. Shoot!"

"Loki, what is that?"

"A miniature firebender. Duh."

"it doesn't matter. Nico lost."

"Ugh, I always lose! And I even go with rock every time."

Nico closed his eyes and reached into the _it. _when he saw what he pulled he almost screamed. Now, a Son of Hades does not get scared; however, Nico had pulled out the name of the most terrifying and dangerous of all the Olympians and minors gods combined.

"Aphrodite. Goddess of Love." Loki read over his shoulder. And then in a quieter tone so that Mr. D wouldn't hear, "Great. At least you get to spend the week with a lovesick hot girl."

Hermione rolled her eyes and sighed. It would have been great fortune to spend the week with her mom.

"It'll be alright, Nico. Really," Seraphina sympathized, "And if you think about it, you could have gotten someone much worse. Like Poseidon. I mean, can you imagine living underwater while fish swim by your window gawking like you're the weird one?"

Dear reader, I have no idea why this is funny, but the four bursted out laughing. Chiron and Mr. D exchanged worried glances, and Chiron scribbled down a few notes about what to do when the Sea God flooded the Apollo cabin. Seraphina patted Nico's shoulder and reached into the _it._

"Hades. What does he do again?"

Nico very nearly _nearly _strangled her. But he knew that his dad would strangle her within in the first five minutes, Poseidon would strangle her for that insolent comment, and Mr. D would strangle her any day. So, he settled for giving her a dark look (which instantly reminded her of Hades' powers.)

"Well, here's to hopin' for anyone but Poseidon." Loki made a big show of rolling up his sleeve and reaching deep into the _it_. When he saw what name he had pulled out, he gave a very girly shriek.

"Repick! Repick!"

"NO WAY!" bellowed Nico and Seraphina.

Loki turned pleadingly to the immortals, "I picked Artemis. She leads the Hunters. She's a man-hater, they're all man-haters!"

"Lady Artemis has already agreed to participate in the program, therefore her hunters will follow her lead," Chiron explained calmly, "You will be welcomed among them."

Loki did the only thing logical: he ran out of the Big House and yelled franticly, "SOMEBODY SHOOT ME!" It's surprising that in a camp full of ADHD, kids no one did shoot him (Not even Zeus.) Loki stormed back inside, with a scowl worse than Nico's, snatched the hat away from Mr. D and crammed it down on Seraphina's head. Pieces of paper floated around her, and Hermione snatched one of the air.

"As the Fates would have it," she groaned, showing it to everyone else.

"Ares. Your mom's boyfriend. That's gonna be weird," Nico mused.

Seraphina struggled with the hat, so she could at least see. "You guys are looking at this the wrong way. It's all a learning experience. Just with people that could incinerate you for saying something wrong. Take me for instance. I get to learn what the Lord of the Dead eats, _and _what happens when girl scouts ring his doorbell!" Seraphina should not open her mouth on any occasion, especially since at that moment her only friends at camp were giving her twenty degrees below zero death glares.

"Ahem," Chiron cleared his throat to get their attention, "You should go get started packing. You are to leave tomorrow morning, and you're cabin leaders need to know where you're going."

Three of them trudged out of the room lead by the upbeat Daughter of Apollo. When they had gone Mr. D let out a relieved sigh.

"I'm sure none of them would have picked your name," Chiron consoled.

"Of course not." Mr. D scoffed, "my name wasn't even there. But even being with a demigod for ten minutes tires me out," he stretch and yawned and heaved himself out of the chair, "I think I'll go take a nap."

Chiron called after him, "What are we supposed to do about the most likely flooding of the camp?"

"Oh get Perry Johnson to make peace," the God of Wine waved off the centaur's concern and went upstairs. (Yes, reader, gods don't technically get tired, but come on, this is Dionysus were talking about.)

Chiron sighed. He really did have to do everything at camp, but sometimes seeing the camper's (distraught) faces (such as Loki's) makes it worth it.


	4. Chapter 4 The First Impressions Part 1

**Hi! So this chapter is actually pretty long, therefore I had to divide into two. I'm also going to be doing that for the next two chapters (so it'll be really six chapters.) anyway, I hope you like it and feel free to review if it suits your fancy. Don't forget that the second week of October is Fiction Week, and Lost Hero is coming out then. Enjoy the story!**

**The First Impressions (Part 1)**

There was a party on the beach Sunday morning, and every camper was invited. Music, food, friends; it was a regular old block party at nine in the morning. Why? Because the troublesome foursome was leaving (and with any luck not coming back.)

The whole idea made Nico so mad, as he stood on the beach a little father away with his backpack, that without warning a wall of obsidian rock erupted from the sand blocking the sight of the Stoll brothers cheating at limbo.

Loki came up behind him and chided, "Now, Nico, what did we say about using our angry rocks?"

Nico threw a playful (and painful) punch at Loki, but a pale delicate hand caught his arm mid-swing.

"Don't start with that nonsense," Hermione scolded, before putting an arm around both boys, "Now, I know we're about to embark on a scary adventure _alone, _but we have to trust that everything is going to be okay. And we'll have each other's back no matter how-" From the other side of the rock wall Taio Cruz's "Dynamite" was blasted full volume and Hermione gritted her teeth angry that the campers were playing her favorite song.

"So in other words, Hermione, we got no hope?" Nico finished.

"Pretty much," she sighed. Chiron was telling Seraphina something as the two made their way over to the others. Nico, Loki, and Hermione glared at her and she sheepishly looked down.

"Seraphina, is there something that you would like to tell your friends before you leave?" Chiron prompted.

"I hope you don't get killed?"

"No, I meant-"

"It's all right, Sera, you don't have to apologize," Nico said as Hermione hugged her. "You just have fun annoying dead guys."

"Thanks."

Loki pulled Nico aside and whispered, "I thought you said that calling people in the Underworld 'dead guys' was extremely disrespectful?"

"I'll just let Seraphina figure that out for herself," Nico confided.

The four teens, finished saying goodbye, looked towards Chiron unsure of what happens next.

"Since this is the first time in, well, this is the first time ever, the gods have decided to pick you up in style."

"I am not getting into Apollo's chariot again,' Nico warned. Seraphina elbowed him before noticing something very strange.

A black shiny smoke was seeping through the ground near her. It curled around her feet; it felt like icy mist against her bare shins. Next to her, a current of wind swept around Loki. It was like standing in the moonlight, and he could smell the forest as if he was in the middle of it.

A moment later (and much to his embarrassment) Nico felt like someone was spraying perfume on him, and when he looked up to see its source he saw a thick hot pink cloud appear right above his head and come swirling down on him.

Likewise, a blood red cloud formed right above Hermione's head and engulfed her, but when she touched it felt cold and slimy and gave her unpleasant thoughts of war. The last thing they remembered before being sucked into the immortal world, was the campers screaming at the Hephaestus cabin for accidentally setting the brunch on fire.

….

Even before the thick pink cloud thinned out, he heard a girl squealing.

"Yay, isn't this so exciting?" the voice shrieked. He made the unfortunate mistake of opening his mouth to answer and accidentally inhaled some of the mist.

"Ooh, I think I put too much perfume," the voice said as Nico nearly died of coughing.

"Does. Not. Like. Victoria's. Secrets. Dreams." Another voice commented. The smoke cleared up and the first thing Nico noticed was the surroundings.

It a ballroom done in Ancient Greek style (obviously). The ceiling was domed and trimmed in a curly-cue gold design. The gold traveled down the twelve columns, and a bronze criss-cross pattern ran on top of the black marble floor. Everywhere he looked, Nico could identify a priceless jewel imbedded into the room. It was the most beautiful place he's ever seen. And then he noticed the goddess herself. She was tall and wore a white chiton that flowed around her, pictures weaved into the layers. She wore her hair down to her waist, but that was the only distinguished thing about her. Her face and skin shimmered to resemble beautiful actresses that Nico had seen. He remembered that Percy had once (in his sleep) told him that Aphrodite had looked like every girl that Percy had ever thought pretty, and she appeared likewise even for a few moments resembling his mother and sister.

He knew that if he opened his mouth then drool would flow out, so he gave a deep bow and muttered, "Lady Aphrodite."

"This is just great!" the goddess gushed. "He is so adorable. Ok, a little messy, but we can fix that. Aw, I am so glad that you chose to come visit me, Nico. I'm going to have so much fun with you. Won't we?" The question was directed at someone else and Nico looked up to see who. Another lady was standing next to Aprhodite. She was beautiful with long, curly, blonde hair tied up in an elegant fashion. She had pale blue eyes, and a beautiful smile. The lady wore a brown chiton, and was carrying a clipboard and a pen.

"I am sooo excited for this week. I have everything planned out," Aphrodite talked as she lead a mute Nico and her assistant out of the room, "First of all we have to get you out of those clothes and give you a complete make over."

"First of all," the second lady cut in, "Our guest needs to unpack and rest. I'm sure it's very overwhelming to be suddenly living on Olympus," she turned and winked at the boy.

"Oh alright," the goddess pouted making her look even more prettier, "you can rest, then you'll have a tour of my palace, and a complete makeover. Afterwards, Nico, you can watch me while I work. Oh are you interested in meeting Elvis? I didn't think so, but I can never tell with children of Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades." The second lady was about to say something, but Aphrodite just kept on talking about Olympus, gods, and love. Nico probably couldn't answer anyway, because his mind was all fuddled up from the perfume, the goddess, and the marvelous rooms they kept passing. At last Aphrodite stopped in front of a mahogany door.

"This is your room, my dear, for the week." She opened it, went inside, and promptly gave a startled shriek. When Nico saw it he thought he was in the Elysian Fields (in fact, he's actually been to Elysian Fields and this was better.) taking up most of the room was a god-sized four poster bed with a midnight blue comforter and curtain surrounding it. There was a flat screen TV and a pile of movies next to it. A mini- fridge, a basketball hoop, a laptop, and a bookcase. But the most wonderful thing about the room was the wardrobe with its door opened to reveal it full of black jeans and sweatshirts. The Son of Hades was close to tearing up.

"What happened in here?" Aphrodite yelled.

"I am officially in Olympus," Nico said.

"This room's disgusting!" He turned to her in surprise, but it was the lady in the brown chiton who spoke,

"When, I learned who our guest would be, milady, I did some research and tried to match the room to his preferences,"

"Then, redo it in MY preferences," the goddess whined, "If he's living here then I want him to know what I like. I am in charge, after all."

"Yes, milady, as you wish." Aphrodite turned and strode out of the "horrid" room. Nico sat on the edge of the bed, while the goddess's assistant began taking notes on the room.

"Do you really have to?" he asked.

"It's best not to argue with Aphrodite. But how about I let you keep a few sweatshirts?" she asked with a grin; he perked up at this. "If you need anything else, Nico, just let me know and I'll be happy to help."

"What's your name?"

"Helen of Sparta, head assistant of Aphrodite, Goddess of love.'

That took a moment to register with Nico. "You mean, like, the Trojan War Helen? How is that possible?"

She smiled and Nico could see why the war was fought, "Aphrodite has made an agreement with Hades that if she finds a mortal with a tragic yet beautiful love story or if their beauty was so compelling that it drove people mad then she could take them and make them her immortal servants." Helen giggled, "After all, she likes only beauty."

"That explains where Marilyn Monroe went," Nico muttered. "And what does my dad get out of the agreement,"

"He got woman to love." Nico grimaced just thinking of his step-mother, Persephone, but then he met Helen's pale eyes and sad smile and realized what she meant: because of the agreement Hades had gotten Nico's mother.

She moved towards the door, scribbling down the last of her notes, "Why don't you unpack and I'll give you a tour of the palace? And I'll even teach you how not to gawk." Nico smiled, liking Helen a lot, but then another thought occurred to him, he did not want to meet the King of Rock and Roll!

The moment that Seraphina's feet touched the ground, she doubled-up in pain, her chest unable to take the underground air.

"There. There. It'll be fine" a voice behind her soothed. A hand rubbed against her back and she felt a something slimy on her skin. A few moments later she managed to stand up, her breathing easier.

"Tsk. Tsk. Being a child of Apollo will make it a lot harder for you to breath in the Underworld." The voice mused. Seraphina didn't want to be reminded of how she wouldn't see her father's chariot for a whole week, so she turned and studied the man speaking. It was ghost, sort of. She remembered one time when she watched Nico summon the dead and drink McDonalds; the man had the same figure: not a ghost but not a being. He has gray hair and a nice thick beard. He was smiling, and Seraphina hoped he hadn't been real estate agent when he was alive.

"You were expecting me?"

"Hades needed someone to fetch you from here, so he sent me, because I happened to be around at the moment" he gestured with his hand and the demigod realized that she was standing in a gloomy baseball stadium-size arena filled with spirits

"It is best if we move quickly towards the palace," the man offered, "My name is Jim Henson, though I'm sure you will be meeting far more interesting souls here."

At the mention of his name Seraphina's jaw dropped. Then it took about two seconds for her to start peppering him with compliments and questions. Ghosts moved out of the way, for they had never seen such an exuberant soul. Now I guess being the creator of The Muppets, you'd be used to excited fans, but I won't lie and say that Jim wasn't relieved when the reached Palace doors.

"My dear, you might want to take my advice on something. The Lord of the Underworld is not used to joyful people, such as yourself. So perhaps you should keep a check on that mouth of yours. Hmm?"

"Wow. That is probably the nicest way of saying shut up, I have ever heard someone tell me. Okay."

Seraphina is especially odd, considering that she hardly even glance as they had passed torture fields, Persephone's enticing garden, the skeleton guards and Hades' palace designs. Maybe it had to do with having a head full of air.

She did, however, certainly notice the god himself when Jim Henson opened the door to the throne chamber. Hades was sitting on his obsidian throne looking incredible bored; he had black thick hair down to his shoulders, and pale skin. His eyes were black pools, having seen every horrid thing in the world. Lining the walls stood more ghosts like Jim. Some of the faces looked vaguely familiar like maybe she had seen them in her 8th grade history book

"Wow, so that's where Nico gets his moodiness," Seraphina mumbled studying the god. And then in a louder tone, "Hi! Its nice to meet to you!" Jim poked her arm and she remembered to bow. "I think, we're going to have a lot of fun this week. Wouldn't you agree? What should I call you? Oh, you just have to hear me play the guitar. I'm not as great as some other kids in my cabin, but that's only because I refuse to practice. I can play Lady Gaga's "Just Dance". Do you like Lady Gaga? That reminds me, I brought plenty of food, so I won't have to worry about eating the food of the dead and all that. Though I do wonder what it taste like. What do you eat for breakfast? I'm friends with your son, Nico. Or well sort of. He kind of wants to kill me right now-" at that moment, Seraphina crumpled to the ground. Jim Henson looked worried, until Hades spoke wearily.

"An old trick I learned from Morpheus. Never thought it would come in handy." He motioned towards some of the ghosts (they were honorable people when they were alive, and they sometimes work for Hades.) "Take her to Nico's room, and leave her there until next Sunday."

"HADES!" The Lord of the Dead cringed and smiled sheepishly

"Hello, dear. How are you? How is your mother?"

"Don't change the subject," Persephone warned. It wasn't actually her in person, but an Iris Message (she was with her mother this time of year). The Queen was quite beautiful even when angry, Hades noted. "Dear, that young lady has chosen to come to the Underworld to spend time with you. NOT be put to sleep! IMAGINE when the council assembles. They'll all be talking about how great their visits were while YOU just put her to sleep!"

"But you didn't _hear _her," Hades whined.

"Wake her up!" Persephone said threateningly.

"Alright. Alright. I'll wake her up on Saturday."

"_Today. For dinner."_

"But-"

Persephone gave him such a look that he knew it would be wise not to argue. "Ok, my dear. For dinner." Persephone smiled in approval. Even though she would never admit it to anybody (much less her mother) she deeply cared for her husband, and told herself that she was above ground and could not stroke his hair or erase his scowl.

When he thought that the Iris Message was disconnected, Hades leaned over to Harry Houdini (yes, Houdini. Why would that be odd?) and whispered.

"I'll have to wake up The Apollo 2.0, but how about we just lock her in the room for the rest the week."

"HADES!" Persephone bellowed.


	5. Chapter 5 The First Impressions Part 2

**I do not own PJO, but I hope you enjoy the story anyway!**

**The First Impressions (Part 2)**

At the same moment that Seraphina was gasping for oxygen and Nico was coughing on perfume, Loki landed lightly in the middle of a forest. The treetops were so dense that it might as well have been night for all he could see. The only thing that Loki knew was that the forest was unfamiliar.

_Whizzz! Whizzz! Whizzz! Whizzz!_

Correction, the only thing that Loki knew was that he would be the first of four demigods dead. When he peeped through his eyelashes he realized that the arrows hadn't hit his vital organs, but instead had pinned him to the forest ground by his shirt and jeans. He was about to give a sigh of relief when-

A dozen girls stepped out from behind trees. They surrounded him, all wearing dark jeans and silver jackets. They carried bows, aimed at him, and most were smiling maliciously. _Which one was Artemis?_ Loki desperately wondered; he had to plead with the goddess herself to spare his life.

One of the girls broke away from the formation and towered over him. She had pale skin and short wiry black hair with a silver circlet nested on top. She wore silver jewelry and thick eyeliner around her electrifying blue eyes. She looked familiar, very…

"Welcome to the hunters, boy." Her voice was cold, and her smile was cruel.

"Look at him," one said, "he's skinnier than the spaghetti we ate yesterday." Loki blushed, but was too frightened to say anything.

"Maybe he's one of those mad geniuses. He is from the Hermes's cabin," another replied.

"How about we save the wimp from humiliation, and kill him now," the one who had spoken was as tough as an Ares's kid; she had her bow already positioned to strike.

"Peace, Phoebe," the girl with the silver tiara grinned, "We have to have a reason to kill first,"

Someone he couldn't see muttered, "He's a boy. What else is there?"

Tiara girl reached down and pulled one of the arrows from his shirt. Then they all crowded him retrieving their arrows; Loki unsteadily got to his feet still trying to find Artemis.

From behind him one spoke, "Remember me, Loki?" He turned and took a moment to study her. She had long white-blonde hair, big chocolate-brown eyes, and looked to be about nine years old. She was smiling (but compared to everyone else, it was almost friendly.)

"Celeste?" he whispered, not wanting to be pulverized if he was wrong. But she just held out her arms, and he gratefully engulfed her in a hug (a few hunters gasped.)

Loki hadn't seen his stepsister (on his mother's side) since he was ten, and it didn't even occur to him that she might have joined the Hunters.

"I, well, you," Loki stuttered pulling away.

"You look great, really," Celeste said admiringly, "how's being thirteen?"

"Just as I expected." She looked just as he remembered when she ran away from home, and he didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

The girl wearing the tiara laughed, "Speaking of which, you really got to get new friends." Loki wondered how a Hunter knew about his friends.

"Nico's my cousin," she offered helpfully, and then it hit him who she was: Thalia, Daughter of Zeus, and Lieutenant of Artemis.

"Look at him," on whispered, "he's as red as a tomato."

"He's better not get any ideas," another answered.

Loki scanned to see who had called him a tomato, but his eyes fell on a twelve year old studying him with ancient moonlight-color eyes. She hadn't said anything, because she wanted to see what kind of a demigod the camp had sent her.

Loki knelt to the ground, "Lady Artemis. Forgive me, I had not noticed, well, what I mean is,"

"Get up," she ordered, winning by a landslide for the most formidable person present. Artemis turned to Celeste, "You know this boy?"

"He's my stepbrother, milady."

"And is he a good person?"

"Yes. But he is hesitant and shy and not a good son of Hermes."

Loki glared until the goddess turned her attention on him.

"Would you consider your self a decent hunter? Archer? Swordsman?"

"I'm decent with a sword, but other than that no ma'am," he mumbled not meeting the amused eyes.

"And yet you have to stay a whole week with us," Artemis stated. "How about a few tests to see how good you are, and than we can train you from there." No one objected since it was wise not to argue with a girl who could turn you into a deer. Loki was glad that he would at least get something out of this program until Thalia grabbed him by the ear and hauled him through the trees.

"Let's see how good you are at archery," she said, "And you'll have to tell me all about camp. That's an order, so don't think I'll be warming up to you or anything like that," she gave a snort. "It'll be like Scheherazade; you know who that is?" She tugged on his ear and he winced. "Didn't think so, chump."

Loki let himself be dragged through the grounds, being careful not to upset Thalia so she wouldn't shock his brain; according to Percy it hurt. A lot.

The moment that her feet touched the red tiles and the cloud dissipated, Hermione let out a piercing scream. Covering the walls were pictures of revolutions throughout history: how they killed the presiding the government, they brought disorder to the country, and other gruesome depictions of those events; they were freakishly accurate drawings.

"That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about the Revolution Room." A shadow peeled itself off of the wall and sauntered towards her. The man was huge, wearing black jeans and a leather jacket covered with rude buttons. His hair was buzz cut, and he was wearing sunglasses. Hermione wondered if it would be a compliment if she fainted right then and there.

"My girlfriend is always complaining about my interior decorating, but I'm the God of War. What does she expect?" He bent down so that they were on eye level. "What's your name, punk?"

"Hermione Zentry, Daughter of Aphrodite. It's a pleasure to meet you." She said bravely.

"Eh, too skinny, too frightened," Ares mumbled unimpressed, "Spartan girls would chew you out in a matter of seconds."

Hermione gave a nervous laugh, "Oh, you like Sparta? I've heard a lot about that city-state."

"Yep," he grinned, "Those people knew business like nobody's business." He gave a laugh, and a friendly push which knocked her over.

Hermione was angry. She was angry at Seraphina for causing this mess, at herself for picking Ares, and at the god for being so vile. She wanted to give him a good punch and a lesson on how not to scare your guests.

Luckily she stopped her hands from forming fists. It was Ares' power that was making her angry; if she wanted to survive this week she had to counterattack it. Getting to her feet, she let her powers of love flow through her body, making her invincible against his powers. (betcha you didn't know that that Aphrodite's kids can block Ares's kids powers.)

"Would you like to see more of my palace, little princess?" he growled. Not waiting for a response he grabbed her shoulder, spun her around, and marched out of the room.

Horrors unlike any others. Pictures lined every wall of every room, each showing gruesome events in the American War, The French Revolution, World War II, etc. Hermione realized that if she lived to next Sunday, she would have exhausted her powers of love for a whole year. Whenever she tried to say something, Ares would cut her off and tell her about current wars and politics (apparently he was the god of that, too, go figure.)

At last they entered a room slightly less gruesome than the previous (the  
pictures only showed blood), with a huge flat screen TV, a lumpy sofa, and  
person sitting on the lumpy sofa.

"She's here." Ares called out to the person.

"Good." The voice was that of a young girl, but she kept her face turned to the screen, "Now, we can throw her off of Olympus, and see if she will defy Newton's laws."

Ares chuckled, "If nothing happened to Hephaestus, then nothing will happen to her."

"Yes, but she is mortal." The girl turned at last to smirk at Hermione, "Will Athena be there to turn you into a partridge?"

"Now, that's just rude." Hermione uttered, dropping her guard so that the god's powers were once again controlling her. She was studying the girl, who had gotten up and joined Ares' side. She looked about fifteen, with light brown hair pulled into a high ponytail. She was dressed for battle, and her golden eyes looked hungry. She had a turned up nose, and when she opened her mouth, Hermione noticed that all of her teeth were pointy like a shark.

"How about you go throw yourself in front of a canon, and save us the trouble of seeing your face?" the girl asked.

"Listen here," Hermione growled (Ares' looked amused), "No one, I mean no one, talks to a child of Aphrodite like that and gets away with. You better watch out, Missy, 'cause you're going to enter a world of pain."

"I'm trembling," she yawned.

"Have you no respect? This is my first day at doing something terrifying, and you just have to ruin it..."

"Darling," she drawled (had a slight Southern accent which rather weird), "That's my job."

Hermione couldn't believe she didn't recognize the girl, standing protectively next to the god, before, and fought to regain her emotions. It was Eris, goddess of Discord and faithful companion of Ares. She vaguely remembered that there were other companions, but she (nor I) didn't want to meet them.

"Oh, go jump in a lake," Hermione sighed.

"Ladies first," Eris said adressing Ares. He smiled cruelly and they both got into crouching positions. _How dumb do you have to be to insult the god of war on your own free will?_ Hermione wondered. Eris snarled and Ares pounced on her. They crashed onto the couch, biting and punching. It was almost … in a loving way. Like siblings whose mother wasn't there to tell them to be careful. Hermione again let her guard, but the immortals were in such a tense fight that neither affected her. Ares punched the girl's stomach, and Eris bit the man's arm. They rolled off the couch struggling to maim the other.

"And this is how the God of War and the Goddess of Discord show affection," Hermione muttered amazed. Ares kicked Eris and she rolled away; in a matter of two second, he was glued to the news channel.

Eris brushed herself off and turned to the demigod. "So Hermione," she sneered, saying the name like 'Air-miney', "Let me show you to your room."

"The quicker you do so," she sighed, "The quicker I'll be out of here."

Eris turned and marched down the hall. "Be careful not to step on Panic. He's a heavy sleep and you _don't_ want to be the one to wake him," she called.

"Oh Lord Zeus," Hermione prayed, "please let that be the name of their German shepherd."


	6. Chapter 6 The Week Part 1

**The Week (Part1)**

Hermione was feeling exhausted that sunny Apollo morning. In fact she was feeling more tired than the time she chased Nico and Seraphina around camp for tossing her almost-boyfriend into the lake. Not only were her powers practically drained, but Ares' idea of fun was rigorous. Travel into battlefields, helping military leaders plan strategies, blowing things up (even that wasn't fun), and practicing on obstacle courses. The possibly only good thing was that her vocabulary was extended into more colorful and inappropriate terms. The worst thing about it was the food. Ares had a theory (probably his only theory) that being the god of war he should eat only army food. Patriotic in theory, torture in reality.

"Well, lookity here, the princess of drabness decided to wake up," Eris drawled. "How was sleeping with a pea under your mattress?"

Hermione couldn't decide what's worse: Eris' pranks, her cruel pointy smile, or the banquet Ares had whipped up for breakfast. "You know I would rather listen to a country bumpkin yodel while playing the violin and stepping on a cat's tail for twenty day's straight then have to hear your fake Southern accent for another minute." She sank into the chair, and the smells of the "food" hit her. "Where's Ares?"

"Gone to work early." Eris chewed with her mouth open; the demigod had a sneaking suspicion that the military ate ten times better than this.

"Then I guess you should be the one to tell him that I don't feel like working today."

"He's not going to like that. What's wrong, princess? Need to practice your piano?" Hermione clenched her fist, because the goddess was _really_ pushing it. Whenever she was home, her father made her take piano lessons every Wednesday. It was the source of her eternal torture.

But then the Daughter of Aphrodite had an idea.  
"Oh Zeus," she proclaimed in a dramatic tone, "the heaven's shone on me today/ but where was I/ in a labyrinth I lost my way/ my love, my life I sigh."

"HUH?"

Hermione picked up a frozen chunk of oatmeal that resembled a muffin, "My cupcake I will eat in remembrance of you/ eat a piece olive tree in remembrance of me."

"You are so weird," Eris decided.

Hermione stood up triumphantly, "The goddess of discord looks down upon me!/ I only wish to be in her favor/ how do you love someone so cruel and unkind/ ask her boyfriends and they shall find."

"Where's a camera when you need it?"

"Zeus blast you out of the sky!" Hermione shouted very dramatically, "So that I may jump over the shoulder of Atlas to catch you/ may the crowds jeer your unworthy name/ may I sit at you feet and play with your oily hair."

"O.K. cut it out. It's getting annoying."

"When the world strikes your left cheek/ may they strike my right/ together we will laugh/ and laugh/ and laugh."

"I SAID 'CUT IT OUT'!"

"Oh Goddess of Discord/ hear my screams/ and answer swiftly."

Eris was practically speechless; this girl was almost as annoying as she was! She reached for thing nearest to her and threw it at the drama demi.

"Did you just throw macaroni and cheese at me?" Hermione gasped, as it slid down her shirt.

"Actually that was piece of chicken. What do you think about that?"

"I think it's like this," Hermione picked up a pie and threw it across the table.

"EWW!" Eris shrieked, "That's disgusting! Why do we even have a pie pan full French dressing?" she threw an UFO (Unidentifiable Food Object) at the girl, and they started a full–fledged food fight. Eris demanded that Hermione be no less annoying than her; and Hermione demanded Eris leave her alone.

The fight was short-lived, however, because Eris threw butter (I think it was butter) at Hermione, …. and she ducked… and it kept flying…. and it hit Ares squarely on the chest. Both of the girls froze (though I can't say the same for the food.)

Brave Eris was terrified; she knew the god hated wasting food and it was all over the room. At least it would be the demigod who would get into trouble for ducking. Hermione was so scared; she hadn't wanted to act like a baby in front of Ares. Now what would he think?

Ares reached down… and sampled the butter (?)….. and put his finger in his mouth… and gave a thoughtful look (_creepy_).

"Not bad. It could use some toast." Hermione unsure of anything else, took a muffin and threw it at Ares.

"Thank you, Hermione. I just wanted to remind you all that Apollo and Poseidon are visiting this afternoon, so you best stay out of the way. Like for the rest of the day, 'cause I don't trust Apollo." He turned and strode out of the room. The tension in the air relaxed.

"Men," Eris scoffed folding her arms. "They only notice the food on their shirt if it looks tasty, and they couldn't care less about interior decorating." Hermione just rolled her eyes and stormed out of the room. "Hey wait a minute, come back! Technically speaking, I'm the goddess of moody children who cause their parents grief, too, you know!"

Hermione took a different hallway hoping to get rid of Eris, so that is why she was surprised when she almost passed up an open door.

"Is that a…" she gaped.

Eris caught up with her, and pronounced very slowly, "a li-br-a-ry. Or as I like to call it, the Death Sentence for Potential Warriors. Did you know that most people today would rather learn than fight if given the chance. It's all Athena's fault."

Hermione was only half-listening, as she entered the room. Despite the fact that she was dyslexic, it gave her some comfort to see something she would never have thought to see in the God of War's palace. It was a rectangular room, with shelves covering the walls, and books piled on the floor. In the center there was a desk and chair surrounded by more books.

"Why is there library here?"

"Because, in numerous wars and revolutions, books and general learning were destroyed. So every single one that is destroyed is placed here in this library."

Hermione gave a wary look, "If I wanted something from Ancient Egypt…"

"Ooh, I know where that is! It's over on that shelf." She pointed in the direction.

"Wow, this is history. I could spend the rest of the week here."

"OH NO! You're one of them!"

"Not necessarily. I have dyslexia. But it beats hanging out with Ares."

"Yeah, who eats butter off their shirt?"

"I thought it was gravy." Hermione was quiet for a few minutes, before letting out a gasp, "I have an idea!"

Eris gasped too, "You said the 'I' word. You're one of them!"

"No, forget that. Why don't I make dinner?"

"Come again?"

"Listen. Why I don't make the meals? My family is full of world-class chefs. And I clean up the rooms, and make the depictions look, uh, well, cleaner."

"Like a maid?"

"Yes. As long as I get out of joining Ares' workload."

"You'll work for us to avoid working with us? What the Hades, it's a deal!"

Hermione stepped forward and held out her hand… and Eris poked her in the eye.

"OW! What was that for?"

"I felt like it." Eris turned and headed for the door, "Don't bother getting started a cat fight, Princess. Why? 'CAUSE I INVENTED IT!" she hooted, and left haughtily.

"Oh, Hades, I wish I had a toad to put in her bed."

Nico scratched his neck nervously. Hey! Maybe he was coming down with something! Maybe it would be life threatening! Maybe his shoelace was un-tied!

"Nico," Helen groaned without even turning around, "That's your twenty-seventh time tying your shoelace. Now quit stalling."

Nico reluctantly got up and continued following Helen through the palace. Today he would finally get to see Aphrodite at work, and the thought was enough to make him throw up back in his room. Helen had spent all of Sunday touring him around the palace an introducing him to the servants (some who liked to steal Nico away to talk about themselves.) On Monday and Tuesday, Aphrodite had the sheer pleasure of giving Nico a deluxe total makeover; Helen had to stop the goddess from giving him colored contacts and sticking him in a tanning booth, as that would make a Son of Hades look bad. This strange obsession is why the poor boy was now wearing a black button-down, dark gray leather jacket, slacks, loafers, and a new haircut. Percy would have had a good laugh if he could see him now.

Helen opened a pair of French doors and shoved him through. A pool area; not what he expected. Even though there were about a fifty servants milling about, no one was in the pool, so the area was dry and clean. Then he noticed Aphrodite tanning herself by the pool, wearing a red bikini, white robe, and white sunglasses.

Nico got on his knees and clasped his hands pleadingly towards Helen, "_Please_, don't make me do this!"

"Nico, you'll be fine," she said urgently, glancing at her mistress, "Go!"

He got up and crossed over to where his hostess was. "Aphrodite," he murmured, bowing.

"Oh, there you are," she giggled, "Come sit." He sat uncertainly in the lounge chair next to her. "Bring it in, boys!"

It wasn't quite what he expected either, but, hey, TV was TV, especially if it was the biggest flat screen that doesn't qualify for a mini-theater screen ever.

Helen bent down and whispered to him, "Lady Aphrodite will watch anything, so she lets me have control of the remote. If you ever feel uncomfortable about watching something, just let me know and I will change it."

Nico nodded and turned to the goddess. "Why are we watching TV?"

"Because it's the most fun way to do my job, silly," she explained and then went back to barking orders at the servants. Sheesh, someone's bossy, Nico thought. When Aphrodite was assuaged that everything was in place, and Helen had retreated to a back row chaise lounge, the TV was finally switched on.

A boat was sinking. Water was everywhere, and authorities were trying to calm the passengers. A few seconds later, though, the scene switched to middle-age people wearing orange life-vests. They were holding hands and looking at each other, oblivious to the situation around them.

"Why are we watching The Titanic?"

"This isn't The Titanic. This is happening right now." Aphrodite was glued to the screen.

Nico gulped as he watched the two people grow closer and closer together. Poseidon was cruel to sink a ship and then force him to watch these idiots, he decided. "Ch-ch-change it. Please," Nico squeaked.

The scene changed to a man with clipped black hair and green eyes walking along the beach. He was wearing fishing attire and was carrying a trident. Again the mood changed as a young lady stepped out from a cabin with a notebook and pen in hand. Poseidon stopped and stared at her.

"Does he know we're watching?" Nico whispered in case Poseidon could actually hear them.

"Of course not," Aphrodite giggled almost cruelly, "No one ever knows."

"Wait a minute, you're causing that? Just by looking at it?"

"She's the Goddess of Love! What did'cha think?" Helen called sarcastically; she was munching on a bowl of grapes and was more or less enjoying Nico's agony.

Aphrodite was apathetic to her guest, who had realized where this Poseidon story was going, and quickly demanded the channel be changed.

The next person looked unfamiliar, but she was wearing Greek clothes and was flying down to a busy New York street. Only one man had noticed the arrival and he quickly made his way to her, bowed, and kissed her hand.

"Nike, my dear," he whispered.

"Change it!" Nico yelled. Hey, this was an actual show, he realized, naming the characters from CSI on the screen.

"Ugh, not this. Change it." the order came from Aphrodite, and Helena refrained from a pertinent comment.

Castle. "Change it," she ordered.

Grey's Anatomy. "Helena," the goddess threatened, putting on more sunscreen. Nico took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves.

A girl Nico vaguely recognized as Selena Gomez appeared. "Change it."

Miley Cyrus. "Change it," He said again.

Some guy who looked like a Jonas Brother and a girl with dark wavy hair.

The demigod turned in his seat to face Helena, "Disney? Really?"

"Not a fan? Alright, fine."

They went through a more channels like this; Aphrodite and Nico alternately calling out for Helena to change it. All of a sudden, one very special channel came: Wrestling.

"YES!" Aphrodite and Nico screamed as one wrestler body slammed another.

"You like wrestling?" Nico asked disbelievingly.

"Of course, it's one of the mortals greatest sports." he wondered if this was because her boyfriend was Ares or she just liked sweaty guys wearing make-up. They kept screaming at the TV for several moments before it switched to some lonely loser in a café.

"Hey!"

"Helen!" She demanded angrily turning to look at her most trusted assistant.

"Sorry, milady. But wrestling brings back bad memory."

"Humph."

"Oh for instance, a ten year war that was fought over me?"

"That was not my fault," Aphrodite argued. The TV was soon forgotten as Aphrodite and Nico eagerly exchanged wrestling opinions and statistics, and Helena tried to argue with her mistress about the cause of the Trojan War. It is a miracle, dear reader, that neither was incinerated from the glow that came from Aphrodite as she talked about her favorite wrestler. Who knew the goddess of love practiced body slams on the god of war?


	7. Chapter 7 The Week Part 2

**HIYA! Yeah, that's all I really have to say. **

**The Week (Part 2)**

The Hunters were sitting in a half-circle depicting a crazy story to their leader. Artemis reclined on a pile of pillows, staring down Loki who sat straight across from her. Despite the fact that it was hot outside, Loki couldn't help feeling the cold air within Artemis's tent; whether from her taxidermist decorating, or the fact that the Hunters wanted to kill him.

"Loki, Son of Hermes, failed at archery," Thalia began, "while he can shoot at a still target, our game are more likely to shoot him, before he can even get a good shot."

"He failed at hiking. Going up a vertical slop was apparently too much for him," another girl sniffed.

"Didn't even have the sense to climb," one muttered; Loki winced.

"He failed at strategy and positioning," Celeste added giving apologetic look to her step-brother.

"He failed with his hunting knifes," A girl with a wide grin added more informally. "He's all fine with the sword, but he can't get his mind around the concept of a hunting knife."

"He failed with spears. Launching it at himself." a few murmured how that was possible

"He failed at tent-making, and preparing food."

"Yes, that I know of," Artemis mumbled, still staring at Loki with his head bent.

"For Zeus's sake! The boy failed at walking!" Phoebe cried exasperatedly.

"Hey!" Loki said defensively, "That's not a fair accusation."

"You were walking on flat ground," Phoebe emphasized every word. "I think we can all agree that this boy is completely and inexcusably useless."

Most of the girls agreed readily; Celeste didn't say anything but looked disappointed.

"Loki," Artemis said, her voice betrayed no emotion. He raised his head waiting for the death blow; the tent was silent again. But she looked calm and observant, like she was still testing him. Why would Artemis be testing him? Loki wondered.

"If you have failed at all those things mentioned, then what are you good at?"

"Nothing," someone whispered. Loki really wish he knew all of the girl's names so that he could come up with some snappy comeback, but most were wary of being around him and wouldn't share that information.

"Well," he whispered, avoiding looks, "I'm almost as good at canoeing as Percy Jackson. And I'm the top swordsman in my cabin. I've won several art contests, I play the guitar, and I know thirty different codes and how to break them."

Thalia gave a derisive snort, "What about fighting monsters? Are you any good at capture-the-flag?"

"Yeah, can you steal something from under the owner's nose? Can you pull off a complex prank? I mean, seriously, you're not worthy to know about our Grecian history. You shouldn't have been a demigod."

"Phoebe. Thalia." Artemis still remained docile, but something in her voice made them feel ashamed of what they said (though not enough to be remorseful; Phoebe and Thalia were too haughty to feel remorse.) "Loki, would you mind stepping out for a moment? I need to discuss something with my Hunters."

It was as simple as asking you to run across the street to ask for sugar from a neighbor. Of course, that neighbor is probably hiding a murder weapon, and is just waiting for you to leave the tent, thinking that you might live, then stab you in the back before you get three feet away. What else would you expect?

Loki got up and left, feeling queasier than the time Connor and Travis Stoll tied him upside down to a tree for twenty-four hours, while his friends sat there eating popcorn and watching him. I think most people in his place would have cried or pleaded with the gods to get him out of this mess. What did Loki do? He ran around in circles screaming his head off, until he was blue in the face. And then after catching his breath, he ran straight into a tree (accidentally, perhaps.) Reader, you are probably asking why he would do such a thing; all I can say is… ask him yourself!

"Loki?" Celeste crawled out of the tent. He gave a short yelp of surprise. "You know we can hear, right?"

Loki slapped his forehead and muttered, "Tartarus."

"Oh, don't worry. The vote was eight to seven. You won't be thrown in there."

"You considered throwing me into Tartaturs?" he bellowed.

"I think I once heard that they have Lady Gaga and cookies there."

"I'm leaving," Loki decided, "and going straight back to camp where I will be humiliated for the rest of my life. Don't think I won't!"

"No! You can't leave!"

"And why not?" he demanded.

"Because Artemis wants you to stay," Celeste confessed in a softer tone; Loki raised an eyebrow. "She hasn't actually said anything, but that's the only reason why we haven't attacked you yet. She wants you to stay."

"She's testing me." Loki remembered.

"Come on," Celeste said pulling on his arm, "Let's go hear your verdict."

"Verdict! Are you all going to hang me? I knew it! I knew it!" After much struggling, his sister managed to get him inside and to stand in front of the goddess. Hunters were laughing behind their hands; Loki gulped.

"I have decided to put you in charge of taking care of our birds of prey and fellow canine travelers."

"Which is normally MY job," a girl with huge green eyes cut in condescendingly, "but I'll show you the ropes."

"And as of starting tomorrow, you will be in charge of all weapons and their upkeep."

"Are you sure you want to trust him with that, milady?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Because if he fails, Thalia will decide his fate." The Lieutenant grinned maliciously. "Can you handle that?"

"Yes, Lady Artemis." Loki gave a short bow, confused whether or not she had just promoted him or sent him a black spot.

"I don't think the birds will take to kindly to him, but hey, that's not my problem." The green-eyed girl got up, dusted herself off and ask, "You ready to meet the most fierce animals ever born?"

"Do I get a choice?"

"NO!" yelled the whole tent; he followed the girl out of the tent with one thing on his mind: GULP.

"Oops."

"Let's just get out of here, shall we?"

"Sure thing, Georgie." Seraphina turned and skipped away from the bridge that she had "accidentally" collapsed. Honest Abe wanted to strangle her.

"Be careful," George Washington muttered as Lincoln made a futile attempt to grab the girl. "We're just supposed to be watching her. Nothing she does will get us into trouble."

"But that was her twenty-seventh 'oops' in two hours. Hades will have to blame us for something," Abraham massaged his head. "The Civil War wasn't this destructive."

"Ya guys comin'?" George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Benjamin Franklin groaned and trudged after the daughter of Apollo. She continued chattering away happily unaware that she was causing some of the most famous men in American history a _splitting_ headache.

"… so my friend told me the reason why the dog's is called a Chihuahua, and I said he was crazy, and then he told me to leave him alone, which of course I didn't do, which annoyed him, so then he challenged me to a duel, I don't what his deal with dueling people is, and then of course Percy came by, and I called him something mean, so then they both wanted to get even with me, for some reason they think I'm annoying, but I don't think I'm annoying, do you think I'm annoying, I sure hope not, yeah I don't really find myself as an annoying person, I mean, I am destructive, but that's accidental, as you have witnessed…" _on and on and on._

"She's going to drive Churchill up a wall tomorrow," George whispered,

"Did you see what she did ole' Appleseed yesterday? I felt terrible for him," Benjamin confessed.

"What about poor Dickens and Steinbeck on Monday?" Abraham reminded, "They never stood a chance."

Yes, Seraphina was single-handedly corrupting the world's greatest people, and she wasn't even aware of it. After Hades had woken her up, he passed on the baby-sitting job to his council members. Since they were just ghosts and somewhat dissipated when near living flesh, they had to content themselves to following her around as she ran around the Underworld. While she did have major fits of claustrophobia, on a whole, the Underworld didn't really faze her.

"And_ then_ after all that- whoa!"

"A new interjection. I wonder what that means," Ben said sarcastically.

The three ghosts watched (almost happily) as Seraphina tripped on a stone and fell to the floor. But the ground was tilted and she kept rolling. Every time she made a grab at something it would shake her off and jump out of reach. She screamed as loud as she could and was getting badly scraped in the process. As she kept rolling she caught a glimpse at where she was headed: a pit of some sort.

Nearing it, her fear was rising when a huge hand appeared and blocked from a fatal fall. A sensation was still tugging, trying to pull her into the pit, but the hand held her back.

"Washington! Franklin! Lincoln!" Hades (in ten foot tall god form) snapped, even though he knew they couldn't have done anything for the girl. Seraphina sat up woozily.

"You're lucky I happened to be making my rounds," Hades said gruffly, "And how exactly did you break the Fifth Bridge?"

Seraphina got to her feet feeling sick. No, it wasn't her usual Underworld claustrophobia; it was an icy dead feeling. Something she hadn't felt since the war…

She gazed incredulously at the pit. The…

"Come along," Hades growled.

"How is that? It can't be…" Hades gripped her shoulder, and she cried out in pain. Ix nay on the itans tay.

The Lord of the Dead led her up and safely away from that area, where he confronted the four wandering spirits. "I think we all learned a little something today; anyone know what that would be?"

"That Daedelus is doing shoddy work on his bridges?" Ben offered.

"That Hades is grumpy when Persephone is away?" Seraphina said.

"Tartarus needs a 'beware of dog' sign?" Washington mused.

"That from now on Seraphina needs to stay in the palace?"

"Bingo, Lincoln." He herded them back wearily to the palace.

"Now, Seraphina," Hades said once in the throne room, "Since it's only Wednesday, and as always I have a lot of work to attend to, you need to find something productive to do that doesn't include bothering me."

"Rats," she muttered. Her eyes traveled the room curiously and fell on an inspiration.

"Hey! Hey! Guess what! I got an idea! You see that blank gloomy section of wall over there? Why don't I paint a mural? It'll be awfully pretty." She rocked on the balls of her feet, giving Hades a wide-eyed innocent look.

"And we can spare Churchill's sanity," Washington whispered to the other ghosts.

"A mural?" Hades said dubiously.

"Yeah, it'll be great. I get to hang out with you, and you get to avoid me."

Hades pursed his lip thoughtfully. "Okay, I guess that's alright. But if I see a depiction of my brothers I'm feeding you to Cerberus."

"No problem," she dropped her voice, "besides, I think Poseidon is a big bubblehead." Hades almost laughed. At least she had good taste to make up for her total lack of sense.

"How are you going to paint it?" Pablo Picasso wanted to know.

"I'm glad you asked!" she darted from the room.

"I'm not," Ben Franklin said. Hades sighed and made himself comfortable on his throne.

"Pardon me, Lord Hades," Johnny Appleseed began, "But if a said ghost wished to retire from his position where would he find a noose lying around?"

Hades blinked. "You're dead already! You can't re-die!"

"So this is what I get for painting the Mona Lisa." Leonardo da Vinci muttered.

A solider from the fields of torture was announced into the room. He bowed low to his boss, and received permission to speak.

"We have a problem."

"Surprise me."

"Joseph Stalin is laughing uncontrollably and refuses to perform any work."

"Why is he laughing?"

"We are not sure, Your Lordship. He mentioned something about Churchill's punishment, but that's all we could make out."

"I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!" cried Seraphina running into the room with a huge kit.

"Ah," said the solider understandingly.

"That lucky dog, Stalin is." And all of the ghosts began to disperse looking for new ways to re-retire.


	8. Chapter 8 The Freak Out Part 1

**The Freak Out (Part 1)**

Spending Saturday afternoon at the mall; how cruel can you get? Sure, a lot of teenagers spend the weekend afternoons at the mall, but Nico was one of those kids that _pranked_ the cabins of those who went to shop. He supposed this was payback for putting snakes in the Aphrodite cabin, but in his opinion the punishment was far worse than the crime.

Nico was sitting on a surprisingly comfortable sofa in a store that was so huge it made the White House look wimpy. He'd been sitting there for the past four hours; anything below his neck felt numb.

"What do you think?" Aphrodite sang, twirling out of the dressing room in a long dark blue gown.

"I'm thinking of becoming an atheist." Helen jabbed him in the ribs. "And when I say that, I mean, that you are so beautiful that I don't even deserve to be in your presence." Aphrodite looked happy and smug. "Which is why you should let me go back to camp early." Another jab in the ribs. "To tell everyone how amazing you are." A thumbs up from Helen. "And also how much of a nutcase you are." The goddess' assistant clamped her hand over Nico's mouth, and drowned her mistress in compliments. Their three lackeys followed her lead. Aphrodite looked pleased (which meant a lot of couple just got together), so she allowed Nico's comments to slide and went back into the dressing room.

Helen bent over the teenager. "I think you just broke the record," shehissed. "That was three times in one minute where someone put their foot in the mouth; Congratulations, do you want to become a pile of ashes?"

He shook off her restraint, "I'd rather have her incinerate me right now than to put up with this stupid shopping for another minute," he snapped.

"Oh I'm sorry. Do you want to go back to the palace and continue watching Aphrodite's love powers at work?"

"Are you threatening me?"

"You bet. Now this is what is expected of you-"

The goddess sailed out of the room in her 73rd, I apologize, 131st dress.

"Wow! Amazing! Stunning! At your finest!" flattered the attendants.

"I'm must be dreaming," Nico yawned, sorely missing his Saturday naps. This all has to be an illusion to play with his mind. And the Aphrodite cabin is behind it. And so is Seraphina… Hey! Wait a minute! Seraphina! At Hades! Hades equals nap minus Seraphina! Why didn't he think of that before?

Nico raised his hand tentatively and Aphrodite acknowledged him with a nod.

"I'm hungry. Can I get something to eat?"

All of them rolled their eyes at the mortal's silly need to be nourished.

"What do you want to eat?" Helen asked.

"Barnaby's double grande super fried onion rings. With a large coke."

Aphrodite gasped; one of the lackeys fainted. Helena looked sick.

"Uh, would you, would you like anything else to eat?" Helen grimaced.

"No thanks. A grande super fried onion rings is just what I'm in the mood for. My friend Connor Stoll introduced it to me. He likes to get it with fifteen ounces of French fries." Now all of them looked sick. "Can I get some?"

The goddess looked like she had swallowed gross medicine. "Okay, fine. Go. But make sure you don't go to any other store. Don't wait in line. Don't _grande-size _it_. _Don't get coke. Don't get French fries. Don't eat outside. Don't eat inside. Don't come back until you're done."

He tilted his head, "Am I allowed to eat it?"

"NO! It's bad for you! It'll raise your chances of dying young, and then you won't get to see what I have planned for you!"

Nico got up, grinning, and shuffled to the door, "Than I guess this demigod is going to hell. By the way, I don't like the dress. The turquoise one was better."

Safely across the street, the doomed demigod resisted the urge to break out in freestyle dance. (Not that anyone would stare; it just wasn't dignified.) He was free! He was free! Sweet sweet blessed freedom! And he knew exactly what he was going to do with this new freedom. Nico ran all the way to Central Park, to a particular large dull gray boulder.

But there were two problems! Minor, of course. The first was that there was a hobo not ten feet away from the boulder, staring blankly into space. The second was that Nico did not have any musical instrument on hand that could open Orpheus's Entrance. But he did have in his pocket.

Kneeling next to the entrance, he fished out his Ipod and put the earphones on the rock. Hmmmmmm, only music that he had which wouldn't crumble the rock to pieces would be "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion (long loooong story).

Blasting the limit on his nano, he thought he heard shifting. Sure enough, a minute later the boulder creaked aside showing dirt steps leading in to the darkness.

"Thank you, Celine Dion," he muttered winding up the earphones, "I'll be sure to buy a t-shirt next time I'm in Las Vegas," followed by a few choice curses to the individuals who put the song on his ipod on the first place.

"Wow," The hobo breathed, leaning over Nico's shoulder, "I saw this in a dream once. It led to a land of chocolate. And there was kid who looked just like you. And he was short."

"Ten bucks and you never saw anything." The hobo took the money and ran like Hades. Oh New York, the home of all strangeness and bargaining.

Nico scampered down the dark foreboding steps. As he passed the fields of eternal torture, the Elysian Fields, the Isle of the Blessed (he really needed to go see what those party freaks were up to), and the millions of wandering souls, he noticed something different. Was is it that the place was congested due to broken bridges? Was it because that guy over there was in the fields of torture last time he checked? Was it the blood-curdling scream coming from the Elysian Fields? Being Nico, who was in a desperate need of a nap, he did not fully contemplate any of this until-

The Son of Hades sneaked into the palace through the back door and made his way to his bedroom. A bed! A wonderful bed in which to sleep in! He must give a special sacrifice to whichever god created the mattress.

"Hey, this isn't mine," he said picking up pair of shorts. He glanced around. The room was messy as usually, but it was different… what is that?…. Two words: girl stuff.

"**SERAPHINA**!" He stormed angrily down the hallway and burst into the throne room, remembering to hide just in time. Nico scanned the room, muttering curses under his breath. Luckily the ghosts and his father were too busy listening to a case and gossiping to notice a live person in the room.

"There you are!" he snapped, barely able to control his anger as he approached her. There was more paint on her smock and the floor than there was on the white square painted on the wall.

"Oh, hey, what's up? What are you doing here?"

"This. Is. The. Last. Straw." He growled through clenched teeth.

Seraphina's eyes widened in horror. She knew what the "last straw" meant. She jumped to her feet and clasped Nico's shoulders. "No! No, no, no. It can't be the last straw! No way! I remember it's the second to last!"

"You're making that up."

"I'm not. Remember the food fight. Afterwards when the four of us were walking back to the cabins, you forgave me!"

"I remember. I counted. It's still the last straw."

"But you can't count this exchange program. You forgave me then, too!"

"I did not!"

"Okay, Hermione forgave on behalf of you. It still counts."

Nico avoided her pleading look. Gods, she was so annoying. "Fine. It's the second to last," He pushed away her hands, "but I'm still angry with you. This is the worst idea you ever had." He leaned against the wall moodily, and Seraphina knelt among her paints.

"I imagined it with the whole camp involved. And after a group spent one week here they would go elsewhere see what life was like there. Get it? Exchange program?"

Nico rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I got the first time."

She looked genuinely sympathetic (a first!) "The idea is to learn about one another, and…"

"What can a Son of Hades learn from the Goddess of Love?" he snapped.

Seraphina looked at her grimy hands and mumble shyly, "Well, when… I was coming up with the idea… I didn't really… fit Aphrodite… into the picture."

"You sent me there knowing I would learn absolute squat?"

"You did pick the name." He very nearly strangled her. Again.

"Why are you so hung up on this, anyway? Tomorrow evening you'll be back at camp and in your own cabin," she raised her eyebrows, "You didn't get to nap all week, did you?"

"Shut up."

She only grinned mischievously. "No wonder you're so cranky."  
"That and Aphrodite has some 'huge plans' for me."

"Okay, ew." She got to her feet, less scared and more herself, and put an arm around her "like" friend. "Tell you what, though. You go back to your hostess, tell her she looks fabulous and then mention that you ran into Ares on your way of doing whatever lie you told. Explain that there was big showdown leaving you both feeling grumpy, and afterwards Ares mentioned something about dropping by his girlfriend's place. She'll ditch you for him for a few hours at most."

"You think that will work?"

She shrugged, "Worked on Annabeth.'"

"Point taken. Well, I guess I'll see you later. Maybe." He moved off, stopped and turned around, "By the way, what did you do to the Underworld?"

"Let's just say that some spirits are very judgmental when it comes to Barney and leave it at that."


	9. Chapter 9 The Freak Out Part 2

**The Freak Out (Part 2)**

Her name was Kory Sens. She wore her dark hair in a single thick braid, and always had to be wearing something yellow. She had huge green eyes, a wide pearly grin, and a large vocabulary (though not of appropriate terms). She had a hard time with authorities, and her hobby was being a smart-aleck. Kory was in charge of taking care of the birds of prey and the wolves. A job that hated Loki more than he hated it.

As he tried to not be pecked or bit to death, Loki learned several things about his teacher (one of them being she talks a lot). Kory was born in 1770. She was jealous of Thalia. She wished every day had rainbows and every night had moonbows. Puppies were the cutest things in the world. And pirates trumped ninjas any day.

Oh, and she was a Daughter of Hades.

"Is taking the long way back to camp really necessary?" Loki huffed scrambling over a boulder. The stars were rising in the skies as the two made their way through the woods. After dinner they had gone to feed the animals, since there would be no hunting that night.

"Of course. You're too skinny. Monsters would eat you before they realized you weren't an over-sized toothpick."

"Forget monsters. You hunters would eat me before I caught even a glimpse of a _dracaena_."

Kory gave a surprised laugh. "How right you are!" She punched the boy in the shoulder roughly, "But you're still too skinny."

This fact of life seemed to bother the fifteen year old a lot. She and Celeste would sit with Loki during meals and shove protein down his throat. In between this he learned all of the Hunters' names. Not that it would help in the insult department. Being alive for at least twenty years really increases the number of wisecracks available.

They finally caught sight of camp, though at a tiresome distance. "Are you sure the only reason you're not hunting tonight is so you people can throw party?" Loki wondered, eyeing suspicious lights coming from camp.

"You're leaving tomorrow! Of course we're throwing a party! But without you."

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"My mom once said 'being sarcastic is unbecoming of a lady.'"

"But punching people isn't?" She tramped down the hill, and Loki hurried after her.

"Wait! I have a question for you! Ow!" Sore areas on his body were being prodded painfully by trees. Stupid girls who jumped him…. Stupid girls who are immortal… stupid girl who won't wait for him. If he didn't get back to Camp Half-Blood soon Loki will swear to Zeus he would be a virgin for the rest of his miserable life.

Kory turned suddenly and punched him in the stomach. "OW!"

"That was supposed to encourage you to walk faster. Now what's your question?"

"Well," he stumbled over rocks and words, "I, I hope this isn't offensive or anything,"

"I'm offended by your breathing! Carry on."

"It's just that, well, what I mean is, you, you don't act like a child of Hades."

"That's not a very questiony question. Try again."

"Aren't children of Hades dark and gloomy and moody and emo?"

"Now, where did you hear a bone-headed idea like that?" she cried.

"One of my best friends is a child of Hades."

Kory frowned sadly. And then clapped her hands with glee, "I have brother!"

"I'll be sure not to mention you to him. So…" they were nearing camp.

She put a brotherly arm around him and said philosophically, "When you've been around as long as I have, you learn something about life. But of course I'm not going to tell you what that is because you need to live for at least two hundred years to fully appreciate it. Isn't living with the Hunters like the best thing ever? You've learned so much, Loki."

Loki stopped, livid. "The only thing I've learned this week," he snapped, each word biting harshly, "is that you believe Jurassic Park is non-fiction, girls should rule the world, and your life-long dream is to participate in a cupcake fight!"

She pointed a finger at him, "You'd be surprise. In two hundreds year that is yet to happen."

He stalked the rest of the way to camp, too angry to speak. Passing by the tents he was assaulted by comments and insults enough to make Poseidon cry. Artemis must be around somewhere keeping them at bay. He crawled into his tent and laid down on the blankets; thoughts were swirling in his head, faster than a hurricane.

While laughter, talking, and the occasional screeching of a lyre carried on outside, Loki brooded. He was average looking. He was the worst son of Hermes in history. He hated monster-fighting. He felt more mortal than Greek. He couldn't stand up to a bunch of girls. He was the worst son of Hermes. He was the worst son of Hermes. He was _the _worst son of Hermes. He was the worst demigod in history.

The noise outside became less and less frequent; the lights began to dim. Even though it was getting late Loki still didn't feel like sleeping. Suddenly his tent zipper slipped down and a head popped in.

"Hey Boo." Among many other things, Kory Sens was obsessed with To Kill A Mockingbird. "Whatcha ya doin?"

"_I _am going to go to sleep. And _you_ better leave me alone," he threatened.

"Please," she said, unperturbed, "like I want to see you sleep. I just dropped by to see what you were going to do about it."

"Do about what?"

"About the hunters. I'm still waiting for you to pull off some Hermes stunt." Now, he was tired, bruised, _and_ ticked off.

"I am not going to do anything," he snapped, "There are twenty of you. You're all girls and you're all immortals. And I am just a lowly messenger's kid. It'd be insane to try and pull anything!"

"I'll take that as a yes." she slithered out before he could throw anything at her. But deep down inside he knew what he'd have to do. He was insane after all.

It had to be around two o'clock in the morning when Loki crept out of his tent. The girls were all probably out or asleep; he could hear the wolves snoring (for gods' sake, Kory, the wolves and birds were kept not five feet away from camp. Did she really have to make him go hiking throught the entire forest?). Loki knew how to be stealthy, though this was probably the first time he put the skills to practice.

Had anyone been conscience, they would've heard… nothing. The tents were still, animals were asleep, and Loki pulled down the zipper to Artemis' tent. He scanned the interior. In the dark, he could only make out the silhouettes of the goddess' trophies. There was a figure asleep in the corner: Thalia. He had better be careful. He knew the goddess herself was driving the moon across the sky, and she would never guess what he was about to do. At least not until he did it. He found what he was looking for, and gingerly carried it outside. The camp was still silent. He took the stolen item and sat on a rock some where away from living beings.

In his hands was Artemis' most prized bow. The one she had claimed to have used when hunting with Orion.

He took out his hunting knife that the hunters had let him borrow. Gazing at it for a moment he remembered all the rants and humiliation the girls gave him when he didn't take care of their weapons perfectly. It was only fair to make his mark. Literally. All he was going to do was carve his initials on the man-hater's bow… maybe with a few extras slashes and cuts to degrade it. Sure, he was going to get killed for doing this, but he would be infamous for his audacity; it _was_ her fault after all for allowing the hunters to be so cruel.

He put the tip of the blade to the wood… and stopped. It was something his brothers would do, and his father wouldn't even hesitate to try. He should be laughing with his ingeniousness. But was this something Loki would do? Of course not! That's why he was doing this. He had to prove that he was as bold and careless and stuck-up as any other teenage male demigod. He turned the blade. Come on, he told himself, stop being such a wimp. You're the worst demigod in history, but not for much longer. Do it. Any of his friends would do it. Wouldn't they?

Interesting. Loki wasn't even afraid of Artemis and hunters, even though this was technically suicide. He didn't care about what would happen to him. All that was on his mind right now what trying to push the dagger into the bow. No magical beings or items were around him; the bow was normal except it was a thousand years old. The only thing that was the problem was his character. Was this something, Loki, son of Hermes, would really do? Only to prove himself brash or wimpy. He wiped his forehead tiredly, and again put the dagger to the bow.

Two hours later he returned to camp quietly. He put the bow back in its place without disturbing anything or waking anyone. He closed the tent; the bow rest in its place. Unscathed and unmarked.

Loki returned to his tent, feeling worse than he had this entire week. He hoped to catch a few hours of sleep. He was completely unaware of the two eyes that had watched his entire ordeal.

"You're late," Hermione growled gritting her teeth.

Ares stretched and scratched his back. "You know how the guys get on a Saturday night. Its all out preparations for Sunday Night Football."

"I got someone's Iris number," Eris giggled waving a piece of paper. Hermione snatched it away, tore it up, put in her pocket, and folded her arms. "While you two were away at a immortal get together, I have been cooking all afternoon, trying to make something special, and when its finally done to perfection, I look out, and see that no one is there! What kind of people do that?"

The two raised their hands, only slightly phased by Hermione's outburst.

"This way. And you better appreciate it," she snapped. She led her hosts down to the dining room. Hermione had set up a table for eight cramming the table top with food and cutlery.

"Um, what is this?" Ares asked.

"It's a Thanksgiving dinner. And I know its only June, but I wanted to treat you with a Zentry- styled dinner." Ares and Eris exchanged looks and shrugged. Food was food, after all. Ares sat at the head of the table with Eris on his right; Hermione sat on the right of the other end of the table.

"So…" the God of War placed the entire turkey on his plate. His faithful companion dumped an entire pots' content on her plate.

"Um, you're supposed to share that."

"What do you call this?"

"Mash potatoes," Hermione answered feeling more subdued.

Eris shoveled some into her mouth, "I like it." With her mouth full, she reached across the table for the gravy. Hermione helped herself to some peas and a carrot. Ares stuck two loaves of bread next to his half-eaten turkey and began dipping it in his drink.

"So Apollo was totally being a jerk today. I mean you can only go on for so long about how awesome the Rangers are." Ares complained reaching for the apple pie.

"I kind of agree with him." Eris said, eating red beans.  
"Please. If you want to talk about baseball talk about the Giants."

"No one likes them."

"No, no one likes the Yankees. And you know what? Poseidon needs to get a life. I mean, the oil spill happened, what six months ago? Even I'm getting tired of hearing about it."

"Did you hear what Hermes said about Apollo?"

"No."

"Dude, how did you miss that? Hera totally went ballistic on both of them. But Hermes was justified, because Apollo is being," Hermione cringed at Eris' choice of words, "Zeus needs to knock out like half of Hollywood, just so the god of music can start over. Because. It. Stinks."

"Do not get me started on those campaign elections." They went on for some time, while eating everything but a small proportion left for Hermione.

"Some good came out of it," Ares continued, "Remember Hypnos coming by yesterday evening?"

"We went out yesterday evening."

"No, you're thinking of Thursday."

"Oh, yeah that's right."

"So he came by, and examines the place from top ground to bottom ground."

"Hypnos?" Eris cried.

"Yes, he was avoiding signing a contract with me. Anyway, so at the party he's telling everyone about the palace. How trashy it is. How disgusting. How unkempt and war-like. I mean, he trashed talked the palace."

"Aw, how nice of him."

"I know! We really need to do him some favor, because it was just the nicest thing…"

"Excuse me?" Hermione's voice was testy.

"I said we should do something for Hypnos…"

"He trashed talk this place?" she cried getting to her feet, "He came and dared to insult my work? This palace is spotless. I cleaned every nook and cranny, for three whole days! And _you_ let him bad-mouth it?"

Ares and Eris exchanged looks. He leaned forward cautiously, "Okay, I'll play along."

"NO!" she yelled; they both jumped, "How dare you. You force me to do stuff I don't want to do! Your friend here taunts and insults me! And what do I do? It's called being a Cinderella! I work single-handedly to make this palace beautiful! I cooked decent meals for you! I made you a Thanksgiving meal! And this is how you show gratitude! By letting the God of Sleep, the freakin' God of Sleep, bad-mouth it!

No more, Sir! If you want any respect you have to learn to _give _respect! I am _ashamed_ that I was _forced_ to come here. If my mother knew she would be infuriated! Anyone would be infuriated! I'm infuriated! How dare you!" she turned on her heel and stormed (with Aphrodite gracefulness) out of the room.

The two immortals sat for a long silent minute. Finally Eris managed a "Wow." she turned and noticed Ares dabbing at his eyes, "_Are you crying?"_

He patted her arm, "Did you hear that outburst? We've raised Hermione so well," he wept, "I'm so proud."

Eris gave him a strange, disgusted look, took the rest of the turkey, and walked away.


	10. Chapter 10 The Goodbyes

**The Goodbyes…**

"You know, I think I am starting to see it."

"Yes, sir," was the echo agreement. Hades and the ghosts were more or less standing on their heads.

"No, no, no!" Seraphina groaned, righting the Lord of the Dead, "You're looking at it all wrong. It's a mixture of abstract and impressionism." She pointed to a tall grayish black blob on the mural, "That's you," she pointed to the small white circles and the long cream and pink blob next to that of Hades, "that's the ghosts who work for you, and that's Persephone. You see how she's radiating all across the mural. It's because she makes the Underworld a happier place," she could almost hear Nico giving a derisive snort. "You see this long, flowing, whitish gray thing in the middle? That's the Styx River. On the opposite side of it, you see the small gray black thing, it's Nico. And the ghosts are all surrounding him." There were some Ahhs as the ghosts understood the picture.

"I would hardly call _that_ art," Picasso sniffed; the young girl's face went a fiery shade of red.

"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try and do something better. Huh? How do you like that? I _dare_ you!"

Hades quickly stepped between the ghost and the girl. "It's a very nice arrangement of color, Seraphina." She beamed proudly. "Perhaps one day you should become the official painter of the Underworld. Brighten up the fields of Asphodel."

"NO!" The court yelled; the daughter of Apollo looked queasy.

"No thanks, I kinda miss the Land of the Living. And popcorn. Yeah, I really miss that."

"Few more minutes, and its sweet freedom for us," Christopher Columbus muttered to Thomas Jefferson who vigorously shook his head; it was Sunday evening and the pest of the century was finally departing.

Good ol' Ben Franklin sidled up next to her, "And, Miss, have you learned anything from your visit here?"

"You bet you're buttocks, I have! I learned that Sundays to Saturdays are not good days for Hades," Menacing glare, "that Tartarus is Off-Limits, and people generally don't like it when you stick that sharp pointy thing into their skull."

"It's called killing people," Hades said gently.

"Have you ever tried it, Sera?" A ghost yelled.

"Shut up, Napoleon!" the court yelled.

"Oh yes, and that I'm very lucky to be alive."

"That reminds me," the ten-foot god bent down to the girl's level, "I thought you would like to know that you are going to live a long and healthy life."

"Awww…" she began feeling touched.

"Because the next time your down here, Nico better be running this joint."

"Oh." Hades shuffled towards the breakfast room, and the ghosts began to go their own ways.

"Hey, I heard that the old crack head tried to escape the fields of punishments again. Want to go check it out?"

"Can't. I got a date in the Elysian Fields."

"Madison, you're married!"

"You didn't hear, Shakespeare?"

"No, hear what?"

Almost all had deserted Seraphina, who anxiously cried out, "Um, hello? How am I to get back up there? People? Help? I can't exactly fly through rock, you know!"

"You done yet?" Thalia asked with a slight hint of amusement.

Loki ran through the last of the Greek curses he knew in his head and then nodded. They were finally letting him go! Alive! It was perhaps one of the most joyous moments in his life (although it wasn't as great as the time he found a plastic dinosaur in the cereal box when he was five), but he still felt the urge to fling every curse he knew at the Hunters. In his head, of course, they would mob him otherwise.

To his surprise the Hunters acted like they respected him enough to see him go. He got a few pats on the backs, one or two handshakes, and nearly got his spine broken by Phoebe. How did that girl get so strong? Celeste shyly gave him a hug.

"Take care, Loki."

"You too, Celeste. Try to keep in touch. It'll take a load of worry off of my mind."

She glanced at the lieutenant, "If I can find some paper and some time, I will. Promise."

He hugged once more and ruffled her hair. Then he got a very painful slap on a very sensitive spot on his arm which only Kory knew of; she had witnessed him being pecked and bit to death by his charges that morning and knew exactly where he was in pain.

"Say hi to the miniscule chums in Alabama for me," she said loudly as if he were deaf.

"I live in New York!"

"Huh, well, who would have thunk." She hugged him fiercely, although it was slightly embarrassing when she held on longer than necessary.

"Hey, Loki, say hi to Nico and Percy and Annabeth for me, will ya?" Thalia asked.

"I am no messenger boy." She punched him in the arm, "OW! No problem, Thalia"

For the second time since he had been with the group, he had to search for Artemis. Did she not want to say goodbye or impart some wisdom on him? Perhaps a blessing so that he could be tougher? Maybe she was waiting to kill him in peace. He was torn between running away right then and begging for mercy. But then he noticed her leaning on a tree on the edge of the clearing they were in. She seemed unaware of his departing and appeared to be contemplating the matters of the universe. Should he escape now?

"Loki, I need to speak to you alone." Dang it; so much for that. He glanced at the girls but except for Kory who gave him a half-shrug, most had gone back to their work.

He followed Artemis through the forest feeling worse by the second. She did not speak a word as they walked, but wasn't it the more silent the more dangerous? Loki had seen enough horror movies with his friends to know. After perhaps twenty or thirty minutes (far away enough so that the camp couldn't hear his screams, he noted) Artemis broke through the silent forest. The two were standing on a hill over-looking a lush plain. It was really quite beautiful; Artemis' face and voice were unreadable when she at last spoke.

"I know what happened last night."

"You mean, when I snapped at Kory?"

"No, when you took my bow." Well, he's dead. Since waking up, Loki had forgotten about his almost daring act, and now he wondered if he could be at least allowed to plead for mercy before being turned into something grotesque.

"I can explain. It's sounds bad, but-"

"I know what happened. I had been watching ever since you came back from feeding the wolves." Loki put his head in his hands, and she pinched his arm, "Pay attention," she snapped and pointed up, "You see that?"

"That's the sun. It's almost noon." He assumed this was her act of mercy, allowing him to see the sun, before he met his untimely doom.

She didn't say anything for a moment, but at last, her voice was softer and quieter perhaps traced with heartache, "My brother drives the sun as I drive the moon. He always watches to make sure I am okay. We have technically only been separated once," Artemis glanced at him and then stared at the ground, "I have lived a very long time, and when my time is not spent with the Hunters, it is with my family. My father is arrogant and self-assured, my brothers are twice as bad. They only see themselves as gods and not gods who can make mistakes. They tend to look down on the goddesses though we are stronger. My point is I've come to the belief that every man is wrong and smug and only cares about a women's physical features."

Loki was very confused about where this conversation was going.

"Ever since I was born, men have proved that belief to me one way or another. Every single one of them." She looked at him with a wry smile, "And then I meet you."

"_Excuse me_?"

"You are weak. You are stupid. Indescisive. Caring. Shy. Sensitive. You took my bow to prove yourself worthy of your father's name but you did not have the guts to go through with it. You are not like any other male," she was smiling more now, " Loki, you have proven that there is some hope for your species after all. By not being a good son of Hermes you proved to be a good and kind person."

"I failed at everything! I grumbled this entire week!"

"Duh! But that does not mean you are not strong. You are… unique. And if the camp had to send me a male, I am kind of glad it was you. Though I can not the same for my hunters."

"Soooo, you're not going to incinerate me?"

"Since you did no real damage to my bow, no. Just stay the way you are. You will be doing everyone a favor in the long run."

Wow. What a new feeling. Someone was telling him not to change. He got major points with the goddess of the Hunt. He might have saved men everywhere…

Artemis knocked him out cold.

"Whoopee! Maybe that was too loud. WHOOPEE!"

Several servants turned their heads at the Son of Hades. Wasn't he supposed to be dark and gloomy? That's the way he was all week.

"Could you be any louder?" Helen groaned turning into the hallway.

"You really want to know?" Nico asked with a huge grin. Why was he so happy?

"Look," Helena sighed, "I know you're excited to finally return to camp," Yes, yes he was. What gave it away? "But the least you could do is act somewhat sad that you're leaving. This heaven on Olympus for some people!"

"Yeah, some as in the female species under the age of college. Where's Aphrodite?"

"I know you're only thirteen, but I still don't trust you when she brings out the crocodile tears."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's put it this way: Paris didn't agree to give her the apple because she promised me. She brought out the oh-so-pathetic-sob-face and he was putty in her hands."

Nico digested this piece of information for a moment and found it as unagreeable as gravy-covered squirrel meat.

"Well, Helen, it was a pleasure being with you this week. And same to Lady Aphrodite," he bent and kissed her hand.

"Save the act for your first date and you're dad and step-mom find out. That reminds me, I thought I should give you a heads up. My lady has huge plans for you in the future."

"That is not something you ever want hear from an immortal being. Wait a minute, these huge plans wouldn't happen to involve any girls I currently know, would they?"

"Would you look at the time? I'm due at the pool," Helen bent and pecked Nico on the cheek, "We had a lovely time with you here. Take care, and don't forget to burn some sacrifices for us. It was not easy keeping you're room clean."

Helen gracefully strolled off down the hallway towards the outdoor pool.

And Nico? He came very, very (as close to as you can get with still seeming manly) to fainting. All the girls he knew, currently, were fully-qualified to be tested for insanity. And the Goddess of Love had some huge plans for him and one of them? It made Nico wish that a Cyclops would come and gobble him up. Again.

Hermione and Ares stood facing each other in the palace's front hallway (after an hour of searching on Hermione's part). The daughter of Aphrodite's bags were packed neatly and ready to go. The Goddess of Discord stood off to one side, watching.

"Hmmmm, you have your toothpaste? You're hairbrush?" Ares inquired, as though it was a normal military inspection.

"Yes, Sir," was the prompt answer.

"All clothes ironed and folded neatly?"

"Yes, Sir."

"You did not leave any chores unfinished?"

"No, Sir."

"Have you said goodbye to everyone?"

"Almost, Sir."

"Are you ready to return to camp?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Will you make me proud as being the toughest daughter of Aphrodite?"

"Yes, Sir."

"And you're not going to take crap from nobody, are you?"

"No, Sir."

"Yay or nay?"

"'Yay or nay?' Where did that come from?"

Ares shrugged, "I saw it in a movie once," he put his large dirty hands on her shoulders and said in a serious tone, "Be strong, young solider."

"As to you, old solider."

"PANIC!" Hermione jumped, frightened, as Ares wandered back into the maze of his palace. Eris peeled herself off of the wall and sauntered up to her.

"Soooo…" The two stared at each other for a long moment. But in the end it is impossible for a demigod to win a staring contest with the person responsible for putting itching powder in Zeus' underpants back during the Dust Bowl.

"I just wanted to tell you, well, I should have said it before, but," Hermione finally broke in, "I'm a huge fan. If it wasn't for you the Trojan War would never had happen. And that was like the greatest love story ever. And I love how you and my mom always work together to create rifts between people. I mean, love triangle? Genius. Especially the awkward moments when someone walks in during a tense moment? I love walking in on couples by accident. Of course, its never by accident..."

Eris took her hands and flashed genuine pointy-teeth smile, "Well, I guess I should say than that, I'm a really huge fan of you too," (Okay, seriously, if you scratching your head right now, I didn't make this up) "The mischief you create at camp? I can't be prouder. And how you start food fights? And yelled at Ares? Girl, you are demigod after my own heart."

Hermione was blushing modestly, "Oh, that stuff? It's mostly just my best friends' works, but I always love to help out."

Feeling like every kind of motion had had been thrown out on the table, the two girls laughed and hugged and wished each other well and gave some more compliments.

Hermione sighed, "I should tell Seraphina this. This is how _normal_ best friends should act."

"The girl with the long black hair? I want to meet her. She's a true evil genius."

"Speaking of, how am I supposed to get back to camp?"

"Oh it's easy. Just stand there and…"


	11. Chapter 11 And the NotSoWelcomeBacks

**So there you have it, folks. Updated and all fancy-looking. Now I can move onto to new stories, and not feel bad about publishing something so full of gross errors. Enjoy!**

… **And The Not-So-Welcome-Backs**

All of Camp Half-Blood were quiet and peaceful. Which means it was due for a terrifying and horrible attack. The last rays of the sun clung desperately to the multi-colored sky. Most of the campers were eating dinner (though a few had left early for personal reasons.)

The area near the cabins was particularly windy. Or was it? As the sun disappeared, four columns of unusually colored winds appeared near the fire pit. Two came from nowhere and two swirled out of the ground. Four teenagers tumbled to the ground bewildered.

"Air! Sweet, fresh, undead air!"

"I'm willing to bet that this whole thing was a dream cooked up by Chiron teach us to be more generous with our toys."

"I am alive, aren't I?'

"Loki!"

"Hermione!"

"Sera!"

"Nico!"

"Sera!" Seraphina cried just to hear her own name

They kept calling out each other's names, shocked and happy, while the girls attacked the boys and each other with hugs.

"Hey, how come she gets to hug you?" Seraphina pouted playfully as Hermione gave Nico another hug.

"'Cause she doesn't call him cuddly on a regular basis," Loki pointed out. Nico rolled his eyes and gave her a hug.

"Yuck. You smell like dead people."

"Now, you know what it's like to be around you."

"Enough with the smells!" Hermione cried, "How was the week?"

"Let me tell you-" Loki began, but alas it was too late.

"You were right, Annabeth! They're back! Alive?" Seraphina gave a muffled shriek at her least-favorite person (Percy).

"And doomsday begins," Nico muttered. Travis and Conner Stoll peered suspiciously out of their cabin and gave excited yells when they saw the kids. Will Solace and one of the Aphrodite daughters, Tawni, appeared from the archery range and joined their friends as they rushed the troublesome foursome.

"I can't believe it! They didn't kill you! Why didn't they kill you?" Travis and Conner grabbed Loki and gave him a noogie.

"I have to say, I'm glad to see you," Will told his half-sister, giving her a hug.

"I'm glad to see you, too," Seraphina replied taking his wallet from his pocket, "How much money do you have in this?"

Annabeth and Percy both attacked Nico with hugs and questions and complaints (they were as close to cabin mates as he had.) Tawni fussed over Hermione. But soon (much to Nico's hate) everyone was so happy to see each other that they began fussing over the other kids as well. Travis and Conner gave Nico a noogie, Will shyly told Hermione that she looked great, Loki was happily smothered by Tawni, and Percy even went as far as giving Seraphina a hug (and she gave him a murderous look.)

"I don't get it," Will Solace exclaimed, "How did you survive?"

"I wouldn't jinx it yet, buddy," Loki warned. "The week doesn't end until midnight."

"Tell us everything that happened," Tawni begged.

"Hold on a minute. The whole camp is going to want to hear about this. Especially Chiron and Mr. D." _Thank you, Annabeth._

"They were just finishing up dinner when we left," Connor pointed out.

"I would really love to tell my whole experience this week, but," Nico let out a fake yawn, "I think I speak for all us when I say, I'm exhausted." Loki, Hermione, and Seraphina nodded in agreement and feigned exhaustion. Too bad it didn't work.

"Give me a break, Nico. You're always tired," Percy said, before hefting his cousin over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carrying him to the pavilion. Annabeth walked beside them; Travis and Connor lifted Loki onto their shoulders like an Olympic winner and followed. Hermione and Seraphina were unceremoniously dragged away.

"May I remind you," Hermione hissed to her friend in an undertone, "that this was all you're idea."

"You're welcome," was the curt reply.

The campers had just finished up dinner and Chiron was about to start his regular announcements when the entourage marched in (unceremoniously. Forgive me for using the word again). The troublesome foursome was dumped on the ground before the sacrificial fire and their abductors calmly returned to their seats. The four were met with a loud range of "boo"s and "aww"s and "seriously?"s. Even Mr. D seemed remotely interested.

With a laugh Chiron said, "Welcome back! It's great to see you! Pleasant week, I hope."

The four chuckled uneasily and got to their feet. The whole entire camp was watching, waiting to hear about the adventures of their most infamous members. But what could they say? That sticking needles into their eyes would have been more pleasant than this week?

"Conference," Hermione squeaked; she was always the most shy of the group. The four quickly huddled together.

"I don't know about you, but this was one lousy week," Loki whispered.

"I was miserable," Nico replied in a monotone.

"Good Zeus, you don't want to know what I did."

"My week was kind of enjoyable," Seraphina remarked, "Except for the part where I almost fell into to Tartarus."

"Oh that's sad." Nico said.

"That I almost fell in?"

"No, the 'almost' part."

"What do we do?"

"We can't tell the truth," Seraphina pleaded, "If they find out my plan failed, I'll be the laughingstock of the century."

"I can live with that.'

"We won't tell the truth," Loki agreed, "but what else is there?"

Nico was the first with an answer, "We lie through our teeth and hope they don't call bluff."

The four turned back to the camp.

"Wow, where do we begin," Loki said awkwardly, "Well, that's pretty much it for me. Hermione?"

She shrugged, "Ares says hi." At least, that made his table happy.

"We're dealing with amateur actors," Seraphina whispered to Nico before they took up on enthusiastic and loud voices, "I have to say it was one of the best experiences I've ever had. You wouldn't think so, being I was in the Underworld, but I loved it."

"Aphrodite's palace was the most beautiful thing ever. Like the cabin but better."

"That reminds, Ares toughest meanest person there is. Couldn't stand him."

They went on for another few minutes, largely exaggerating the conditions, downplaying they're own personal events, and praising their hosts (who were no doubt listening.) But when you're making up a story right on the spot, it tends to become confusing, especially when you're lying and have to watch what you're saying. It came to a point where there was nothing else to say (though the camp was waiting for more) except…

"Johnny Depp says hi," Seraphina randomly said. You might imagine, dear reader, the mass terror this created, particularly with the Aphrodite cabin and fans eager for his new Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

"Oh, real smart move, Ser," Hermione griped.

"Don't blame me. That ghost looked freakishly like Johnny Depp."

"You mean, Eustace Goodams?" Nico questioned

"Chiron," Loki begged turning to their camp director, for it was only he that could get them out of this fix. (It was clear that the camp hadn't fully bought their story, and who knew what a bunch of ADHD kids would do next?) Of course, Mr. D could help but that was highly unlikely.

Strangely enough, a man walked into the pavilion. He dressed like a mail carrier, but had the look on his face of a guilty twelve-year old boy who wasn't sorry for being a smart-aleck. The camp quickly fell silent, most recognized him, and the man seemed to truly enjoy his moment of awesomeness.

"Dad?" Loki asked, fearing that Artemis had told him of Loki's recent almost-misdemeanor.

"Hush," Hermes said, not even bothering to look who had said it. He gave a large celebrity wave to all the kids; Hermes table seemed pretty excited.

"No, it is not what you think," he began. "Though I do appreciate all of my admirers' dedicated love and loyalty, I simply haven't the time to spend with you all right now. I am on strict business, of the most urgent affairs."

"Keep on moving, buddy," Rachel Dare muttered from where she was sitting; if it was urgent she would have know about it.

Hermes took out his cell phone, flipped it open, and scrolled down on it, "Ah, here we go. Ahem." He called out crisply, "I need to see a Seraphina Mone, Nico di Angelo, Loki Fen, and Hermione Granger. Hold it… why didn't anyone tell me Hermione Granger transferred?"

Every single person, with the exception of Chiron who took a step back, pointed at the four kids standing in front of the sacrificial fire.

"Traitors," Seraphina snapped at them.

"I have a delivery for you. Hold out your arms." They were definitely suspicious of Hermes' gleeful look, but since he was a god, they did as they were told.

A two-ton scroll appeared in their arms; it was so heavy that the kids fell back on their bottoms and couldn't get up. All around the pavilion the people broke into laughter at the silliness of it; Mr. D the loudest, Chiron chuckling, and Hermes with a grin.

"That can't be right," he said, "I must have given the wrong package." he waved his hand and a scroll about the size of Loki's hand appeared on top of the huge one. Hermione wriggled her arms out from under the weight and unrolled it.

"_Dear children recently participating in the supposed Exchange Program," _she read out loud for everyone to hear_, "It has recently come to my attention that you were put into surroundings that were modified to fit your personal human requirements. I don't believe that is truly fair to the original idea of the supposed Exchange Program. Plus, I feel that within a week you saw a fraction of what a gods' life is truly like. Therefore, I take it upon myself to invite all participants of this past week to a three week visit to my personal palace, where you will see me at my truly best and godlike state that is possible to show to such miniscule minds such as your own. We have recently reconstructed a corner of the game room if entertainment proves to be a problem." _At this point, Hermione gulped hard, "_Sincerely, Poseidon, Lord of the Seas."_

"No fair," Percy Jackson mumbled.

"So that's why the old fishhook didn't flood the camp," Mr. D mused.

Take everyone's reaction about a moment before reading the letter, multiply it by five, and you would get an the estimate reaction of _after_ reading the letter. Hermes gave another celebrity wave, gave a fatherly wave to his table, nodded respectfully at Chiron, thumbed his nose at Mr. D, and walked out of the pavilion feeling accomplished.

The only ones who weren't laughing were Nico and Seraphina. Nico looked at Seraphina, and, unfortunately, she knew what it meant. This was the last straw.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" she screamed an ear-piercing scream. Nico pushed on the two-ton scroll so hard that it flew up and crashed into the Hecate table.

"HELP! HELP! THE SON OF HADES IS TRYING TO KILL ME! FORGET THE IRONY! HELP!" she raced out of the pavilion with her 'like' best friend in hot pursuit.

It was equally misfortunate because everyone turned their attention to Hermione and Loki; they would never live their troublesome yet funny reputation down.

Loki helped Hermione to her feet as she said, "I have got to get new friends." They looked back at the crowd, who were still waiting for more entertainment. It was always Seraphina who came up with their troublesome ideas, and Nico who executed them. Loki and Hermione were more of the hands and feet. The mutilated hands and feet now.

"Hi," Hermione waved shyly; few waved back.

Loki, as you may have read earlier, had more confidence now and spoke loudly for the world to hear, "You know Hermione, out of this entire week I think I learned one important value," he secretly swiped a juicy tomato off of the Demeter table while walking around casually.

"Oh really, and what was that?" she asked sarcastically and wearily.

He grinned, "I'll never learn." He tossed the tomato at the Athena table, "FOOD FIGHT!"

Dear reader, that is the end of the story of the troublesome foursome and how they barely escaped death. Okay, okay so it wasn't the only time they escaped death, but the rest of their stories are just simply not fit for your ears to hear. Sorry, no offensive; it's just the way things go. I can't tell you what happened to Nico when Aphrodite implemented her huge plans, or when he met his talkative and immortal half-sister. I can't tell you of the capers of Hermione, the fiercest of Aphrodite children, nor of her and Seraphina's demise (yes, I'm sure I can't tell you that.) I certainly can't tell you of the discoveries and accomplishments of Loki Fen (oh, wouldn't you like to know.) It isn't even possible to say that this story is true for how could Nico's, Percy's, Annabeth's, and the Camp's fate work out so perfectly in the time between the Titan War and the following summer that the story here could actually take place?

All I will say is you best make up your own theory to satisfy these questions; no answer shall come from anywhere else. What do you think?


End file.
